Let attention be your intention and allow someone else to be seen.

Well – good morning to you all and I trust that you have all had a fabulous week. No doubt you are wrapping things up ready for the weekend of socialising ahead, so I thought I would write today about an element of our human interactions that is often misread or left lacking. And that is the simple act of allowing others around us to be seen and heard, by the virtue and gift of our undivided attention.

I have written about this before, but felt compelled to write about it again as I came upon a wonderful quote a few days ago:

There is a difference between truly listening and waiting for your chance to talk

Ralph Waldo Emerson 

For me this quote is simply profound and yet so very very simple.

One short sentence says it all.

Most things I feel moved to write about are things that really strike me in my own life and this quote is no different. Firstly because I have a habit of “drifting off” when my family are talking to me and coming back into the conversation a little later with no idea what is going on and what has been said. It has been suggested that I have the attention span of a flea ha ha ha – whatever that may be? But I am assuming that it is not very long ha ha.

So for me the above quote is a real reminder to pay attention when people are speaking with me – as at the end of the day – we all just want to be heard, and seen, and listened to, and validated for who we are.

Sometimes we are so busy trying to be heard and seen and validated ourselves, that we forget the other person in the room has exactly the same needs as our own. And perhaps a greater awareness of this may lead us all to consider those around us a little more when we are communicating.

I must admit that I do try, when in a group of people to draw others into the conversation, as quite frankly I love hearing other people’s stories, ideas and opinions – and I have heard my own a million times before, rattling about in my own head ha ha. But it constantly amazes me that there are so many people, who seem genuinely unaware, when another person in the group is trying to contribute to a conversation and so in a very “unaware” way actively cut them off or shut them out.

No matter what we do in life, who we know or where we go – we all like to feel like the people around us are actually interested in us when we are speaking and doing and being. So perhaps we can all just try to be aware. To notice another person around us. To bring some sort of solidarity to the human experience and connect to others around us – if only for a moment.

Invite that quiet person in the group to share their opinion on something.

Acknowledge a stranger on the street or in your elevator or at the bus shelter, and ask them if they are OK and having a good day.

Open a door for someone carrying a lot of groceries.

Give up your seat on a bus for someone else who maybe older or looking more tired, or less able to stand for whatever reason.

Help the lady with the pram down the stairs.

Allow someone else to take the floor in an animated discussion, and sit yourself in the back seat for a while, to allow someone else to shine and be seen.

There is nothing worse than being surrounded by people and yet still feeling the immensity and weight of being alone.

Unheard.

Unseen.

Unwanted.

Unimportant.

It can pull the best of us down.

So for all those times you allow someone else to be seen through the gift of your attention…….the day may come when someone allows you to be seen, just when you need it most.

So for all those times you allow someone else to be heard through the gift of your silence……..the day may come when someone else allows you to be heard, at a crucial moment for you.

And for all those times you allow someone else to be validated for who they are……….the day may come when someone else validates you, at the very moment you are riddled with self doubt and angst.

We just all need to be more aware.

More cognisant of the needs of others – instead of just our own.

Am I great at this?

Not always.

Sometimes yes and sometimes no…..but I am trying to improve and that is all any of us can do.

So – this weekend as you go out into you social circles – analyse your own behaviour and see if you truly draw others out of themselves and invite them to shine their light.

Do you allow others to be heard?

Do you allow others to be seen?

Do you allow others to feel validated for just being themselves and being present?

Because the truth is that we all just want to matter in this crazy game of life – and perhaps if we all actively engaged in providing this space for others to excel and be and shine and share around us, we would all benefit in the end.

A utopian view perhaps?

I do not know – I simply pose the ideas.

It is for you to decide what is relevant and worthwhile to you.

My only aim is to be a catalyst for thought….nothing more and nothing less.

But the gift of my attention is what I am aiming to improve and develop at the moment. The ability to truly listen, as opposed to formulating my next explosion of verbal architecture whilst another person is speaking –  this is my aim.

Should you wish to join me – I wish you happy travels on this journey of self discovery and solidarity of the human condition.

There is only one thing to remember:

We all just want to be seen and heard.

So take your chance, seize the opportunity and make someone else visible –  and audible –  and special today.

Discover You. Love You. Be You.

- Christine -