To be right – or to be happy? Now there is a question!

Many years ago I was attending a conference where I had the decided pleasure of hearing the incredible, Deepak Chopra speak. It was a seminar focused on Happiness and how we can bring more moments of Happiness into our lives, and there were many speakers over the course of the day. But it was this one moment with Deepak Chopra that left an everlasting impression on me and my perception of life’s interactions. And it is a moment and concept that I would really like to share with you today.

At the conclusion of his presentation there was a Q&A with the audience and a man in the audience asked in ernest:

“ But what do you do when you are speaking with someone and they will not accept that you are right and they are wrong?”

Deepak responded with what I found to be the most profound answer. And it is something that I have taken with me into my life ever since. I guess you could say that it was one of those proverbial “ aha moments”!

Deepak responded with words to the effect of: “ I guess you need to decide what is more important to you. To be right. Or to be happy.

Wow – what a concept!

Quite simply – do you have an overriding desire to be RIGHT!

Or an overriding desire to be HAPPY!

In that instant the penny really dropped for me and it struck me that many of the world’s conflicts from the most global and serious, to the most inane and petty could perhaps be solved by taking this thought on, as the basis to the decision you make.

Funnily enough, the man in the audience who asked the question seemed unable to take this concept on board and asked again: “ Yes – but what if I am right and they are wrong?”

Again Deepak responded: “ But the real question is -  is it more important to you to be right or to be happy?”

The questioner was absolutely dumbfounded by the idea of such a thing and the discussion continued back and forth – or rather around and around for quite some time, in a rather circular motion.

As many of you are probably now thinking, in our own minds we might like to have both – that is, to be declared right and then feel the warm afterglow of knowing that we are superior in our thoughts, attitudes and perceptions to the other person ha ha ha.

But as many of you will also realize, life is just not like that and we all have our own ideas about things, that we are often times quite attached to and not so quick to give up. It is in these moments that Deepak’s comments become quite profound. And I think it is a great rule to live by.

At that initiation point of conflict.

At that point when the debate has become earmarked as fruitless.

At that moment when you realize that the person you are debating with, has a differing opinion to you, that they are not willing to change or relinquish.

It is here – at this very moment – that you have a choice.

Choice A = Continue on with a determination to be heard, to be right and to be the victor

Or Choice B = ………..decide to let it go, move on and be happy!

As Deepak says: is it more important in that moment for you to be RIGHT or for you to be HAPPY?

It is such a simple concept that can perhaps have far reaching results.

And as with most things in life, simplicity can often be hiding true complexity.

At this junction I hasten to add that I am not necessarily advocating that you always give way to another person’s viewpoint, as clearly there are many instances when you must stand your ground to defend a principal or value that is intrinsic to who you are or what you aspire to.

But – I do think it could be a helpful and useful tool to subject all such occasions to what I am now dubbing ” The Chopra Test” -  by simply posing the question:

“ In this particular case and this particular instance – is it more important right now to be RIGHT or to be HAPPY?”

To defend my position –  or capitulate in favour of peace and harmony.

Only you can decide which battles to fight.

Only you can decide when to stake your claim in an argument and decide not to give ground.

Only you can decide when to sacrifice your momentary happiness in the pursuit of a value, ideal or point of view that you hold dear.

And it is not for me to define those moments for you.

My purpose right here and now is simply to share with you the profound wisdom that Deepak Chopra shared with me all those years ago.

So

Discover You. Love You. Be You.

And maybe during this Festive Season you will approach some situations with this little thought in mind…..and see where it takes you.

Till next time

- Christine -