Moving forward, in a holding pattern or going backwards?

No matter how young or how old we are. No matter how experienced or inexperienced we feel we are in the Game of Life. No matter how shy or seemingly confident we appear to the outside world, we all have inner dialogues and conversations that tend to inform who we are, how we behave and how we see the world at large. These same dialogues, are often what drive us forward, keep us in a bizarre sort of holding pattern, frozen in time, or hold us back from accomplishing what we are capable of on our life’s journey.

For the past decade, these motivations and inner dialogues are what have held my fascination, and through much soul searching via dozens of seminars, oodles of books and a good degree of spiritual seeking, I one day stumbled upon a memory. A memory that I quickly realized had been the mainstay of my existence till then – pushing me this way, and shoving me that way………most often back to where I felt I belonged!

This memory was based around one little comment. It was a simple comment made by a rather unaware dinner guest when I was a child – but it was a comment that had stuck with me for decades – buried within the depths of my mind, influencing my decisions and causing havoc quite unbeknownst to me. As I listened-in to the adult’s dinner conversation from the children’s play area upstairs in our house, I heard this one seemingly innocuous comment: “ Poor Little Chrissy – she tries so hard but she’ll never be any good”!

Do I remember my parent’s reaction to this comment – no! Do I remember all the compliments and encouragement I no doubtedly received as a child – no!  All I remembered was this one defining commentary on my abilities – that related not only to my now –  but also to my future.

And the prognosis was not good.

In hind sight I can see that this comment was only referring to my somewhat average performance as a classical ballet student. It was in no way a reflection on my abilities in other areas at all. But to a little girl who dreamed of one day being a classical ballet dancer and idolised Baryshnikov. To a little girl who’s best friend was a stunning classical ballerina and destined for the stage. To a little girl whose mother was the Principal of the dancing school where she studied and an avid classical ballet fan – it was like a lightning bolt.

I mean – it is a pretty prophetic comment: “ Poor Little Chrissy, she tries so hard but she’ll never be any good”

KABOOM!!

“Hit me where it really hurts why don’t you.”

That little prediction was suddenly quarterized into every cell of my brain. Imprinted in vivid technicolour and ready to offer it’s opinion of my worth, in any and all future endeavours.

It wasn’t until years later in a counseling session that this little memory resurfaced  – but the emotion that came with it was certainly punching way above its weight! The sense of wonder I felt at discovering what had been holding me back for so long and making me feel so inadequate all the time was incredible. It was like – wow!

Feelings are my go to reference these days, to determine if something is of genuine “value” to me. That is – if I have a really strong emotional reaction to something, then I know it is something for me to look at carefully. What is it triggering the reaction and why? What is there to be learned here. And if there are tears – lots of tears – I know it’s a doozy! Something that needs addressing and to be redirected along with any other non useful mail.

I started right then and there to “actively de-activate “this message and it’s lingering shadow in my subconscious. I put post-its [for which I am famous ha ha] all around my house saying: Little Chrissy can do anything she wants. Little Chrissy can be anything she wants. Little Chrissy is just fabulous as she is.

They were on my bedroom door. They were in my bathroom. They were anywhere I knew I would see them each and every day. I said it over and over and over every night before going to sleep and every morning before I got out of bed. And I began to feel a little more confident.

Little Chrissy was on the move.

Surprisingly, when I mentioned this memory to my family, no-one else had any recollection of it at all. Not even my Mother who would have been at the dining table the evening of the incident.

And this brings me to my point here.

We can all have very different memories of the same event. We all live our lives “in our heads”. We live in our perceptions of events – not actually in the event itself. And so we store memories in a way that is particular to us and our unique sensitivities.

Someone else at that same dinner no doubt stored the memory of a delightful lamb roast. And another guest perhaps stored the memory of a great after dinner conversation. And another may have stored the memory of the delightful grandfather’s whiskers hanging on the plants outside. But not Poor Little Chrissy – no –  she stored a whole lot of torment and pain that would lead to years of never giving anything a fair go for fear of “never being any good”.

Once I recognized this little story living up a storm in my subconscious, I could actively “de-activate” its message and take control. I turned the message upside down and used it to empower my life rather than disempower.

At this stage, I had been a specialist tap dance teacher in Sydney, Australia for over 25 years, so I took the proverbial “bull by the horns” , put pen to paper  and devised my very own tap syllabus Tapatak Oz. This syllabus launched in 2008 and is now in use all over Australia and overseas, with examinations and teacher accreditation held annually.

Poor Little Chrissy – she could do something after all. Who knew?

I do not tell this story to grandstand and tell you all about my prior achievements. But I tell it for one very important reason.

To encourage you all to look inside yourselves and find those moments in your own lives that may be hiding these secret triggers. Moments that may be affecting you in such a way. Mundane little comments here and there that have stuck with you and caused you to doubt yourself or sabotage your success over the years.

Now is the time to find what was said. Turn it to your advantage. And move forward.

Many old sayings are so very true and repeated for a reason

“ What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”

“ It’s not what happens to us in life that defines us – but how we react to it”

“ It’s not the size of the dog in the fight that matters, but the size of the fight in the dog”

So I invite you to take a look.

Find these little triggers and stories in your history.

Acknowledge them. Turn them around and send them straight out the door.

You can choose what ideas of self you hold on to.

You can choose what is valid in your life.

And you can choose what to let go of so you can move forward to where you want to be.

If Poor Little Chrissy can do it then you can too. That is what I know.

So – I hope you have found some comfort in my little story and that it has inspired you to take charge of your own triggers and put them to work inspiring you to your greatness!

We all have greatness within.

You just have to believe in it. See it. And then release it out into the world.

Discover You! Love You! Be You!

Live your Truth.

Christine