What if we could choose a different way?

What if the societal constructs that run much of the world could be rear ended and  new models and expectations built in their place?

What if there was so much more?

What if women could be seen in other ways – past their role as appendages to men,  sexual objects for the gratification of men and nurturers to all?

What if it was once a different way?

What if?

And this brings me to a wonderful book by Shirley MacLaine, that certainly poses a lot of interesting questions. The book is entitled simply: WHAT IF…

Today I would just like to share with you the final few paragraphs on Page 52

How you react to these words is fodder for your own consideration and I will not be giving my opinions here, as I feel the value in this small excerpt, as it rests in the context of this page of writing, is for you to examine your own personal response to the words.

No doubt your marital status and experience thereof will impact upon your mulling over of these words.

I found them quite thought provoking and as you can tell from my introduction they set me off on quite a few tangents of enquiry. My hope is that these word take you to your own place of self reflection and self discovery-  untainted by my own personal journey through these words.

So now – over to the incredible Shirley MacLaine:

“ After my husband and I split, I made it a point to dodge the marriage bullet. From then on, I had loving sex without commitment. I loved to work hard, and feel I have earned all I have, which is enough for the rest of my life. But mostly I am content. Content with my surroundings, my friends, my family (whom I see when I want to), and my life.

Many women friends of my age are finding exquisite happiness on their own. None of us feels alone. On the contrary, we feel free and creative to be who we are. We often have celebratory lunches (too hard to find a parking place at dinner), reveling in our freedom of aloneness.

Wake Up, women of the world! You have earned the right to be free of taking care of others. Perhaps it isn’t even your nature. Perhaps you are the true warriors of peace.”

As is always the case when I present someone else’s words for reflection, I invite you to go back and read the passage a few more times.

Let it sit with you.

Let it quietly roll about in your mind and consciousness.

Let it guide you to where you need to be – for You.

Discover You.

Love You.

Be You.

- Christine -

-       Unknown –

All the quotes in my blog have had a powerful impact upon my own life, which is why I share them here with all of you today. And this particular quote is one of the most poignant. Sure, we have all had moments that we wish had played out differently. Things we have said. Actions we have taken. Moments that highlight our imperfections and inadequacies, rather than our strengths and our virtues.

But that is ok.

That is just how life is.

It is often these “less than ideal” situations or moments that push us to define what we truly want from ourselves. It is these moments that push us to discover exactly who we are – the light and the dark. The good and the bad. The wise and the not so wise. It is these very moments that create our identity, sense of purpose and sense of who we are. What we can do better. What we want to achieve. Where we want to head. So in my mind, we should be as grateful for these moments as we are for the ones that go swimmingly well and leave us basking in the fabulousness of who we are.

Along with this has also come the realization, that most moments that linger with me as “ gee – I wish I could do that again” – tend to be the moments I missed.

The opportunities that I didn’t capitalize upon.

The moments that came and went.

The experiences that passed me by as I either sat in indecision, or fear, or some other form of immobilization that stopped me from participating.

Some of these things were really simple things like not going abseiling because I thought my bottom would look big as I came down the side of the cliff. How ridiculous. How sad. How completely stupid. I hasten to add that years later I did have the opportunity to go Indoor Rock-climbing and this time no such worry stood in my way and I had a fabulous time.

The message here is quite simple – loud and clear.

Go out on that limb. Follow the path to new experiences.

Dare to try.

Dare to be different.

Dare to give it a go.

Why?

Because quite simply, the opportunity may not come your way again. You may miss the chance to meet some interesting people or do something new and worthwhile.

Of course – there are opportunities that present themselves daily that may represent a most unwise choice that could seriously harm yourself or the people around you and of course these are not the opportunities to which I am referring here. Anything that represents a clear and present danger to you or those around you should be avoided and declined at all costs.

What we are talking about here, are the things we let slip by that could take us on a new course, with no real danger to life and or limb. Things that float past our reality, beckoning us forth to a new adventure. Things that are on our “bucket list” perhaps but never quite happen. Things that we always dreamed of doing.

It is funny but true, that we will most likely be disappointed by the chances we didn’t take than by the ones we did. At least when you follow through on an idea, a wish, a dream, a plan – you know the results of your efforts.

But if that dream, that vision, that idea, that plan, that promise, that invitation is left unanswered – then you will never and can never know what might have been.

Would have  – could have – should have – are the most destructive and fruitless words in our vocabulary. They take you on a very short ride to nowhere.

Been there and done that are far more satisfying, even if the doing of the action cements firmly in your person that you have no intention of ever taking that course od action again. This could be said for my decision to go whale watching one wintery Sydney day. It was flat out the worst 3 hours of my life. The seas were incredibly rough and there was not a whale in sight. In fact, the only creature that made a brief appearance was a random seagull that happened past for but a moment.

To add salt to my wounds, whilst I was being violently ill over the side of the boat, making my reacquaintance with the bacon and egg roll I unwisely chose for breakfast, a Canadian couple were canoodling madly nearby. The scene was quite surreal. My sister and I beyond ill at one end of the boat whilst the Canadian Bear Grylls and his girlfriend were having a “love in” at the other ha ha ha.

Now – the point is. At least I went on that whale watching trip.

Would I do it again? Certainly not. But I am not sitting around wondering what it would have been like had I gone.

I have also been offered the opportunity to go sky diving  – twice no less.

However this is something that I have never done. And I must admit that I do sometimes sit around thinking what it would be like to jump put of a plane into oblivion at thousands of feet above land ha ha ha. So I do wonder if that is one thing I shall be disappointed in, within myself as I head to great beyond at the end of my life on the Planet.

As I said – we all have to way up in life what represents fair risk in our lives. And I am not suggesting you all run out and do crazy, risk taking activities, like sky diving or whale watching ha ha ha. I am simply recommending that you take life by the proverbial horns and get out there amongst it.

There is no longer the excuse of not having anyone to do things with, as there are oodles of social groups through which you can meet likeminded individuals and join up with them to try out some new things. Meet Up is a wonderful way to find kindred spirits of all kinds. They have groups for dancing, attending music, concerts and bands, discussing literature, watching films and documentaries that can change the world, dinner groups, drinking groups, non drinking but still having fun groups, hiking and bush walking groups, scientific groups, philosophical groups, foreign language groups etc etc . This list goes on and on -  so you can always jump on line and find some other people to enjoy some new things with you.

At the end of the day:

Only you know what is on your “bucket list “ .

Only you know what dreams live within your heart.

Only you know what opportunities you have let pass you by in the past

And only you can make a change into the future to seek, explore and discover all that you are, all that you want to do, all that you want to learn, all that you want to be and all that you want to experience.

So – make time each day to think about you. Make time each day to honour you and your dreams, your ambitions and your wishes.

Make that “bucket list” and start ticking off the items.

Make a decision to take opportunities as they come your way.

Get out and about and do some of those things you have always dreamed of doing, as one day, your time will be up.

So now – go back to the quote at the top and re-read it.

Then slowly close your eyes, listen to your heart and see what comes to your mind.

Imagine yourself dreaming, exploring and discovering.

Where is your little boat taking you?

To where are you sailing?

What adventures are you embarking upon?

What opportunities  and invitations will you not miss again?

Let your soul speak to you about what is lying dormant inside you waiting to be awoken.

Now – go – reread the quote again and I shall wait for you here. Do not open your eyes again until your heart is full of joy, full of ideas, full of excitement and full of possibilities.

Welcome back.

Now grab and pen and paper and write down exactly where you saw yourself.

Where was your soul drawing you to be?

What opportunities, activities and experiences have your name etched upon them?

Where are your sails taking you?

I can say that doing this little exercise and reading this little quote once a week or once a month can inject some purpose and drive into your life. Re-evaluate where you are at all the time, as we constantly change our minds and ideas and feelings – and that is OK too. That is simply growth.

So take the plunge and launch yourself headlong into life.

Organize those ukulele lessons. Book that trip to Machu Picchu. Catch up with that long lost friend for dinner. Accept the invitation to that seminar. Go out salsa dancing even though you are 70 and people say you are too old. Start that new cupcake business. Go hiking with a new group of like- minded people.

Just do it!

Like diving into a sea of possibility – if you don’t go in the water, you can’t experience the sweet caress of the waves or the sand beneath your feet.

As we all know. Life rewards action.

This is your time.

This is your moment.

This is your chance to move.

Discover. Love. Be.

This is all there is.

- Christine -

Not one other.

There is no one else who is 100% You.

I mean – how cool is that!?

What it really means is that no matter what you do in life, no matter what choices you make, no matter which path you take – you can not fail at being You.

It is simply impossible.

Nobody can be “Youer” than You!

When you think about it, that is pretty crazy stuff. In fact, it is so crazy, and wonderful that I wonder why we all take life so seriously.

I mean, how simple can it be?

All we have to do in life is be who we are, with the added bonus that there is actually no-one else in the race ha ah ah ha!

There is only one of us at the starting line.

Kaboom!

Everyone’s a Winner!

You would think that given this knowledge we would all be running around the place with huge grins on our faces. But no – quite to the contrary, we seem determined to make life so much more difficult than it is meant to be.

The main culprit here is constantly comparing ourselves to others. Pushing away all the unique traits and attributes that make us who we are, in favour of “towing the line” and fitting in with some pre-ordained notion of how we should be.

And whilst I may sound like I have my own unique little life perfectly in balance, I have spent much of my time in the past doing exactly this and creating a whole world of pain and anguish for myself that just did not need to be there.

In retrospect it all seems so foolish. Because it is ha ha ha!

We are here on the planet, I believe, to simply figure out who we are and express it joyfully to the world at large, giving them the opportunity to either join in our celebration or run to the nearest hiding place.

Either option is fine as long as we are being true to ourselves and not impinging upon anybody else’s right to be who they are in the process.

True to You.

Loving You.

Unashamedly You.

That is all You need to do.

So why is it all so difficult sometimes?

Because we live in a world that is constantly trying to convince us that our little brand of who we are – that is, your little brand of You – doesn’t cut the mustard. That we don’t measure up.

Measure up to what I ask?

I prefer chutney to be honest.

Who set these standards and conformities?

How about just measuring up to your own set of rules, morals, ethics and standards?

Like I said. As long as you are not wilfully and deliberately impacting upon another person’s life and liberty in a negative way, you should be free to live your own life and run your own race.

And the benefits are huge.

So consider this.

If you can stop listening to the Peanut Gallery……. who always have an opinion on everything and a seemingly unending bucket of nuts.

You can Find you.

You can Be you.

You can Run Your own race.

And guess what?

The bonus is that you are a dead set certainty to win this race, as you are the only one in it!!!

Can you believe how easy life is meant to be.

Job Done.

Happy Days.

And with that knowledge, I ask you to go full throttle into life.

Discover you.

Love You.

Be You.

Live Your life.

Because there is only one You.

-Christine-

For most of us, especially those approaching their 40’s and beyond, there will be segments of our lives, each one dotted with the friends and acquaintances particular to that period. And then, in the most special and extraordinary of instances, there are those gem like friendships that stand the test of time and remain constant, resistant to the challenges of travel, distance, family, changing life paths and other such occurrences.

Quite recently I found myself taking stock of all the incredible and amazing people who have passed through my life, both recently, and way back into my school days. And I have to say – what a ride I have had. The person who exists today, this Christine Denny as she exists right here and now, is not only down to me – but also down to this vast myriad of people who have come in and out of the revolving door of my life experience.

I like to think of my life as some sort of Grand Hotel, so to speak, with a great set of fabulous rotating doors, leading into the lobby. You now the ones – all brass and glass and usually swinging about quite swiftly ha ah ha! Some people think the entry point looks way too complicated and precarious to negotiate, so simply walk on by, not even bothering to investigate what is on offer, and risk getting snaffled in the swiftly moving doors. Some get into the revolving door, take a peek into the lobby, go around a few times to make certain, then decide to just keep on spinning around and exit straight out the other side ha ha. Some get into the revolving door, exit into the lobby, stay a while, have a few cocktails or a delightful afternoon tea and then leave. And others move from the lobby up into one of the designer penthouse suites and take up residence for the long haul.

What is incredibly interesting to me is that some of the people I was sure would be in the penthouse for quite a while, sipping on a margarita and admiring the view. People I would grow old with. People whose friendships I was certain would last the distance.  People whose company and ideas I treasured the most. Some of these people are actually the people who have checked out of my hotel prematurely and unexpectedly. These valued and treasured parts of my life, were simply one day no longer there.

No longer available.

Clearly they no longer found me of interest, value or worth in their lives?

Clearly they had moved on to what they perceived as “bigger and better” things and people?

Clearly that meant that I was defective in some sort of way?

Having been put out with the garbage, so to speak, is not a nice feeling at all.

Clearly this sort of thing packs a real punch – and we have all experienced it.

We are left exclaiming the proverbial – “ what the? “ as we make the jump to the realization that we shall have to negotiate the rest of our life without this well weathered and trusted friend. We are left asking a whole host of questions about what we did wrong. What we said wrong.

What the hell happened?

What I have finally realized is that, not all our friendships are meant to last a lifetime.

Not everyone who comes into our life is meant to stay.

I did nothing wrong.

You did nothing wrong.

We were just meant to have these people in our lives for a shorter period of time then we anticipated.

We learned our lessons from them.

We grew and blossomed and found out important stuff about ourselves through them and their contribution to our lives.

Maybe we didn’t blossom so much on the surface and the end of the friendship was upsetting or disturbing or abusive. But if we look inward and look to the deeper elements of the friendship, we will see that we grew with this person – and they grew with us. We shared ourselves and our lessons with each other. Grabbing a nightcap in our lobby or chatting over a coffee in the café, we experienced each other and all we had to offer each other. And now – it is time to grow in another direction, with other friendships activating our tools of self -discovery.

Everyone has their very own Grand Hotel that they are running and servicing and sometimes, you just can not be a long-term guest in their hotel. Perhaps they do not have enough rooms available, as new guests have booked in?  Perhaps the guest in Suite 404 is giving them a lot of trouble, requires greater attention and you are the inevitable fall out? Perhaps they recently closed their hotel and are re-opening in a new location? Perhaps their hotel is under renovation and there is simply no room for the old furniture? Perhaps you have new requirements as a guest – you want Mexican food for dinner each night, but their restaurant only serves Thai? You want a turn down service but they do not have the capacity to offer such things?

It has taken me so long to see, that my friendships are not all about me.

It has taken me so long to see that there are many variables in sustaining a friendship or relationship of any sort and these variables exist on both sides.

In both hotels.

In both people’s lives.

Not just in my Grand Establishment.

The simple and sometimes cruel reality is that friendship is a two way street.

You can not force someone to want to be your friend.

You can not force someone to want to spend time with you.

You can not run the race of friendship on your own.

It takes two.

But here is where the magic and mystery lies.

If you look closely into those lost friendships, you will see that in 99% of the cases, when one friendship exited stage left so to speak, another friendship would have entered stage right. Most of the times, as one person leaves the lobby of your life, another person will come through the back door and decide to stay a while, order and beverage and take off their coat.

So do not despair, the next time a friendship or relationship ends. Trust in the process of life and know that someone else will be entering your life soon to take you to new experiences and new times. Someone else will enter to fill the gap. You can trust in that for sure.

Be vigilant as these new people and experiences come into view though, as if you are too busy wallowing in the loss of what and who went before, you may miss the new people and opportunities that are presenting themselves. Also be cognizant of the fact that the new person coming into your life could be you.  That’s right. The irrepressible and wonderful you, could be needing a little alone time to work on a new project or to simply be –taking stock of the journey so far and where to set off to next.

So relax.

Follow your heart.

Trust that a new horizon awaits you and take the necessary steps to get there.

Some of the most important friendships along my life path have been those that no longer exist, or those that are only nourished sporadically.

So instead of mourning the loss of a friendship – celebrate what is gave you. Celebrate what it taught you. Rejoice in the good fortune you had in meeting that person and spending time with them, safe in the knowledge that a new and exciting adventure is just outside your door, waiting to enter, when the vacancy sign is visible from the path.

So hang out the shingle to your Hotel. Let it be a Grand Hotel of your making.

But remember, that some of these guests will come and go at will, through your revolving door, and this is exactly as it should be.

Discover.

Love.

Be.

- Christine -

Imagine a woman who trusts and respects herself. A woman who listens to her needs and desires. Who meets them with tenderness and grace.

Imagine a woman who acknowledges the pasts’s influence on the present. A woman who has walked through her past. Who has healed in the present.

Imagine a woman who authors her own life. A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf. Who refuses to surrender except to her own truest self and wisest voice.

Imagine a woman who names her own gods. A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness. Who designs a personal spirituality to inform her daily life.

Imagine a woman in love with her own body. A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is. Who celebrates its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

Imagine a woman who honours the body of the Goddess in her changing body. A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom. Who refuses to use her life-energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

Imagine a woman who values the women in her life. A woman who sits in circles of women. Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman.

Patricia Lynn Reilly

Taken from the book: The Strength of Women

There really is not very much I can add to the profound wisdom of this passage and I thank Patricia Lynn Reilly from the depths of my being for writing it. It is funny how certain words find you at the perfect place and time and give you exactly what you need in that moment.

I happened upon the little book that contained this writing, one sunny day in a Post Office queue in Mackay, North Queensland. I have a tendency to shop in Post Offices and Airports, so it was not surprising that my eye wandered whilst waiting in the Xmas throngs. But what was surprising was that it was a book of this nature that caught my eye. It was unusual that this little book took my attention for some reason.

I was not there to buy a book.

I was not needing to read a book.

I just saw the book and felt immediately drawn to it.

For most of my life I have lived with a certain amount of annoyance at having been born a girl. In a world that is so heavily weighted towards men, it just seemed like an uphill battle sometimes. Apart from having to deal with a whole list if issues that come with the simple reproductive capacity we bring to the world, it just seemed like men had all the fun. Made the rules. Called the shots. Had less to worry about.

Then one summer’s day – I found this book and read this insightful passage and the world of my womanhood opened up like a brand new book, waiting to be explored and read for the first time.

The impact each verse had on me was quite overwhelming.

For the first time in my life I felt like part of an incredible Sisterhood!

Part of a wise council of elders.

Part of an incredible group, blessed with the role of giving life to the planet.

Part of a special force for good.

Part of a sensual, beautiful, loving and nurturing energy.

I actually felt glad to have been born a woman.

This was a huge leap for me, and one that has been gradually unfolding over the past few years. Whereas in my younger years I always preferred the company of men, I found myself meeting more and more incredible women.

Strong women.

Inspiring women.

Fun women.

Really funky, and cool women.

Headstrong, and opinionated women.

Compassionate women.

Women who set their own course and knew their own value.

Women who stood their ground and made their own way in the world.

Sexy, smart, empowered women who supported the other women around them.

And the oh so very wise women who took me under their wing and guided me to pastures new.

It is interesting to me that I chose two very male dominated professions on which to build my earlier life: tap dancing and drumming. Perhaps there is something in that? Perhaps I set myself a struggle that I need not have had?  But like all things in life, perhaps it was these very experiences that have informed who I am now and guided me to the work that I now find so enjoyable and empowering?

Who knows?

Time will tell?

But what I do know – in this moment – is that the passage above in pure gold!

It will no doubt mean different things to different people – and that is the beauty of the written word. It can be digested and reviewed in any number of ways subject to the readers experience and expectations.

So I invite you to go back

Sit quietly.

Read it again.

Take from this wisdom whatever it is that feeds your soul in this moment.

Revel in being a woman.

Revel in the women around you.

Find strength and courage and heart and fire in the sensuality and assuredness that is your right as a woman on the planet.

Discover You.

Love You.

Be every inch of the Woman that is You.

- Christine -

Truth be told however, I do not really consider any of the relationships in my life to be toxic and that is the point if this blog.

Sure  – some relationships are not healthy if they are allowed to fester and continue on, in an abusive or non-productive way. The key when faced with this sort of  dynamic, is to recognize it, learn from it and get the hell out. Even the most pleasurable of relationships can “run their course” and suddenly find a need to be discontinued for a plethora of reasons.

No matter what the relationship: familial, social, romantic or work related, it is important to always see the intrinsic value that can be gained from looking at what that particular relationship has brought to your life experience?

What has this person taught you about yourself?

What would you like to repeat in the future?

What would you like to let go of next time around?

Human relationships are some of the most tricky, confusing, upsetting, rewarding and life affirming experiences that we can ever have. We can find ourselves very quickly loving or “not so loving” the other part of our relationship equation that is for sure. But the other thing that is a dead set certainty, is that no matter the dynamic of your friendships, romances, acquaintances and family ties they will all be lining up to teach you a thing or two about yourself.

The trickiest part of this equation is to be aware that there might be something from you to learn.

Instead of seeing things as I am right and they are wrong. Or we are so in love and he/she is just so perfect. Or I can’t believe they treated me that way etc  – take a step back and try to see the inherent beauty in the lesson that lies waiting for you beneath the surface.

It has been said that most people in our lives are reflecting back to us a partial image of ourselves. Mmmmmm – that is a little uncomfortable to hear isn’t it. So that incredibly aggravating boss, or ex-best friend, or judgmental parent, or uncaring ex-lover had traits that we ourselves have? No way! That can not be true? Or can it?

We bring into our lives people who can facilitate our growth as human beings after all. That is why we are here on this great big planet, spinning about the place with reckless abandon. We are meant to be figuring it out. Figuring ourselves out. And the best way to do that is through a series of relationships of all different sorts with different people and varying dynamics.

These are usually the most useful of all relationships.

Have you ever found yourself attracted over and over again to the same “type” of person who manages to push the same old buttons over and over again? Gee – I wonder why that is?

Heads up people.

It is a lesson.

A lesson you need to learn before you can move on to a place where you do not attract this same aggravation into your life again.

No doubt you will move on to a whole new set of aggravations ha ha ha – that is life.

There is always a challenge to be had. Life is not meant to be a series of canapés and cocktails at the yacht club. Sometimes your beer goes flat and the seagulls make off with your fish and chips. You just have to laugh it off and keep on going.

So the message here is really quite simple. No matter what the dynamic of the relationship you have with any person in your life – it is a vehicle for inner understanding and a processing of what is of true value to you.

An exercise in reflecting upon how you wish to be in the world.

The way other people treat you, relate to you, speak to you, interact with you, negotiate with you, play with you, caress you, seduce you, mistreat you, abuse you, misunderstand you, misrepresent you, support you, love you, respect you, cherish you, assist you, get to know you, follow you, betray you, help you. All these elements are a wonderful barometer of how things are going in your world.

They are a great barometer of how the world sees us.

And how we treat others, in these same relationships is a great barometer of how we see the world.

We reflect back to each other so many interesting aspects of ourselves.

Past hurts.

Past joys.

Expectations based on our history and experiences.

The key here is to really appreciate and exploit the opportunities that lie in each and every relationship we have in our lives. Whether pleasurable, painful or poisonous – they are all perfect in each and every way and exist as pure potentiality for our  growth and change.

Most of us exist in a world where we can choose to end a relationship or friendship and move on. So do not feel sad when that time comes.

Perhaps that match has come to an end?

Perhaps the lessons have been learned?

Perhaps you have finally “got it” and you are moving on to a new and exciting chapter in your life?

Perfection is often in the imperfection of all our life experiences.

Teaching us what we need to know and leading us on our never-ending journey of self-discovery.

So forge ahead everyone and be grateful for each and every lesson that comes screaming into your life, whether it creates harmony or disharmony. For each and every person that enters your domain, whether they create a world of sweet content or a whole lot of bitterness and aggravation.

The lesson will be there.

Look for it.

Find it.

Learn from it.

Can there possibly be anything better?

-Christine-

Blame the past.

Worry about the past.

Wish to change the past.

But let’s face it. The simple fact is that there has never been a more futile endeavor than sitting about contemplating our past failings…..or successes for that matter.

We live in the now.

We live in the present.

And the only thing we can really control is how we choose to act in the here and now.

If there is one thing I am striving to delete from my experience at this present time, it is regret.

It is the most futile of emotions.

The most futile of places to be.

The most ridiculous waste of time, when all is said and done.

As the great saying goes:

“What’s done is done and can not be undone”

So all we can do is focus 100% on the present.

Create actions and thoughts in this present moment, that can take us through to the next moment in a positive and empowered way. Positive actions today can certainly become the positive habits of tomorrow – all you need to do is let go of the past and swing full throttle into the present.

I must confess that I used to be very much a “regret laden” individual. This is a fact that any of my family members will attest to. Constantly asking –

“ But what if I had done that?”

“ Did I miss my opportunity by not taking that job?”

“ Should I have accepted that offer or that project?”

“ My life could have been so much different if only blah blah blah”

Well you know what!

You didn’t. And it is not. And it won’t be.

I am sure you all know someone who suffers from this condition.

This What if, If only, It should’ve been this way disease.

And it is painful to listen to in the extreme. I know because I had to listen to myself for a good number of years ha ha ha ha!

But enough is enough – I can’t go on  – I can’t go on – no more! [cue song and dancing girls]

I certainly do not have the answers to all of life’s big questions, but I do know this.

Spending your time basking in the unanswerable and unquantifiable world of “what if” is a sure way to nowhere but misery with a capitol M!

So – if this is you. Stand up right now. Look in a mirror and say simply:

“Enough is enough. You didn’t. You’re not. It’s not. It won’t be. You aren’t”

Now wave Bye Bye to that whinging, complaining slave to the past…… and be free!

Too easy!

That is it! Simple!

Decide right here and right now to move forward. To be present.

Now go forth and create a new reality, based on what you can actively do today to get where you want to be – today.

Start where you are now. Right now. And just build on it one little step at a time each and every day.

You might be surprised at just where you end up. But you have to start from where you are now, without regrets and without looking back at every missed opportunity, or misread adventure in a negative light.

We all have them.

Things that we perceive as mistakes.

Mis-steps.

Mis-haps.

Mis-adventures.

Missed opportunities.

Mis-calculations.

But perhaps – just perhaps – all these so – called unfortunate, regrettable incidents in our lives are the ones that we have learned the most from. Perhaps many of these things are what have brought us to where we are today. Perhaps these are the things that have forged understanding and compassion within our souls. Perhaps they are things that we actually really enjoyed, if we were honest with ourselves. Perhaps these “regrets” are what build our character and inform our mission and purpose in life, as we go forward. Perhaps they should be relished, cherished and used, as a force for good in our lives -their work already accomplished and done in the past.

We are after all, the sum of all we have experienced. And every moment of our lives has brought us to where we are today! Every moment whether perceived as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative has brought us to where we stand right now at this very minute. And perhaps we need to simply trust the process. Trust a higher order of things.

Perhaps regret really stands for:

Really

Easy

Growth

Reserved

Especially for

Today

Like I said earlier. Regret as we know and perceive of it, is a wasted emotion.

A road to nowhere.

An empty boat.

So the choice is yours.

Either move forward and give regret the flick. Or move to a place where your perception of it takes on a more positive and helpful connotation.

- Christine -

Turn off our laptops.

Turn off our televisions.

Turn off our i-pods, play stations and radios.

Turn off the lights.

And just be.

It is quite incredible the peace and centred-ness that can be found simply by turning off all the external “stuff” that we are constantly bombarded with each and every day.

To simply be is an amazing feeling.

The sounds of nature that you can tune into – even when living in an inner city suburb is quite overwhelming and beautiful. The connection is profound and totally different to that of connecting to a television programme or radio show.

They say silence is golden, and this is so very true if you just turn everything off.

To sit and reflect in this way can be a truly magical start to your day.

A time when your energy just settles into a beautiful rhythm.

A time when you can set your intentions and expectations for the day.

A time for reflecting upon what is important and of value to you for the day.

A time to create the feeling that you want to stay with you for the rest of the day.

I sometimes wonder at the value if sitting in front of the television before setting off for our day. In fact I rarely do these days as I have chosen to unplug at the beginning and end of each day instead.

But I do think that perhaps it is not surprising that people are so wound up and anxious on their way to work, University or school when they have had the day’s events, which tend to always be portrayed as rather negative, blasted at them for half an hour or so prior to leaving home.

Where and when can the connection and magic in your day take hold, if your morning has been spent being blasted by news and the negativities of the day?

A usual morning dose sees murders, road accidents, politics, diet products, cleaning products and stories about every other crisis or dilemma facing the world. Day in and day out it always seems to be the same. Nothing seems to change in the news cycle. I sometimes doubt we would miss much if we skipped it.

So why not do just that?

Is this morning and evening dose of negativity really informing us in any beneficial way? Is the news cycle telling us things we need to know or things that we can actively change? Is it really giving us news at all or is it really just social commentary designed to make us buy stuff to make us feel worthy, beautiful or safe as we go about our day?

Am I suggesting that you cut yourself off from the world.

No I am not. Not at all. In fact some of you may need to be abreast of world events for your work.

All I am suggesting is that a few times a week, for just a few moments you choose to

TURN OFF. UNPLUG. AND PLUG IN.

Just try it out and see how you feel.

Even as a family, you could sit for 15 minutes at the start of one day a week and just think about the day you would like to have that day. Simply sit in silence with your eyes shut. Feel your energy expanding around you. Listen to the birds and whatever other sounds pass by and think about the day you plan to have. How you plan to feel for the day.

Take a few deep breaths.

Open your eyes.

Onto breakfast.

Have breakfast around the table and discuss the day you plan to have. Feel great about the day you have planned.

And without listening to any of the reported doom and gloom of the hour simply go out into the wonderful, fun filled, productive day you have envisaged.

At the end of the day, the same thing can be really amazing.

Once you have had your dinner and the day’s activities are over.

Turn everything off.

Laptops. Computers. TV. Radio. Mobile phones. Computer games. I-phones.

You can even turn the lights out and just leave one small light on.

The sounds of the crickets and cicadas seem to reach in and grab you and you may be surprised at how early you are able to go to bed once all the artificial stimuli is gone.

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Perhaps there is some truth to be found in this well -worn proverb?

If you are a regular visitor to this Blog and A Bridge To You, you will notice a flagrant use of the words maybe and perhaps in much of what I write.

This is because it is not my desire to tell people what to think.

Or what to do.

Or how to act.

But merely to present people with options and allow them to take the road of their choice.

We all have our own journeys and paths to take and no doubt you will find your own unique pathway too. But I can suggest, from my own experiences, that a few days a week of turning off all the technology and allowing yourself to re-connect to you and your own energy, can be a really rewarding thing to do.

In fact, I now turn off at about 6:00pm most nights and then do not turn back on till  about 9:30am the next day. It is not a rigid plan and sometimes I am up late working. Sometimes I watch a bit of TV in the evenings.

But most times my phone is off from 6:00pm till about 9:30am every day.

Does my world still turn?

Yes it does.

Most family, colleagues, business acquaintances and friends know that they need to make plans with me outside these times. Just like the good old days really, when you would not have dreamed of calling someone at their home after 6:00pm or before 9:00am any day of the week.

And as for emails – they are always sitting there waiting for me whenever I am good and ready!

I know that some people find this sort of suggestion quite shocking.

For some it is inconceivable.

But if you see some merit in the suggestion.  Give it a go.

You may just like it!

- Christine -

  Anthony Douglas Williams – Inside the Divine Pattern

This would have to be one of my favourite quotes of all time, as it is quite emblematic of my own journey thus far, and as such a little poker that keeps prodding me to move forward even though I am constantly full of doubt and uncertainty.

I sometimes wonder if perhaps people read all my blog posts and think to themselves: “ Wow – that Christine really has it together”. When this thought runs speedily through my head and out the other side again, I have to laugh, as nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, it is this indecision and self -doubt that brought me to where I am today, as my motivation is to simply point out to everyone else, that we all feel these sorts of feelings.

It doesn’t matter how confident we may appear to the outside world, everyone I have ever met has some sort of self doubt, fear, worry etc etc

That is just how life is.

Life is meant to be a challenge.

And it  is how we meet these challenges that determines how our life pans out.

To be honest, I have usually found that those people with the most skill and experience in any area, are often the people with the most self -doubt. I have been fortunate to know and teach, some incredibly talented people in my time and I have always found that the more talented and hard working the person the least confident they are.

This irony was strange to me at first, but then it all made sense.

People who are good at what they do are usually incredibly perfectionistic and judgemental when it comes to their own work. And sometimes the work of those around them too. It is like a double- edged sword. On one had it can make for some miserable self –assessments but on the other side it creates brilliance in some way too, as the standards set are exacting.

So my point here is:  what you can become,is very much defined by whatever you can overcome

As the quote says – you need to define yourself by what you can overcome as opposed to being defined by what scares or intimidates you.

As many successful people will tell you, they had no idea what they were doing when they started or launched their first ever project. But they did it anyway. Learned from those mistakes and moved on to the next project.

So what we need to do,is harness the very things that can so easily block our path and use them to our advantage. And these next two are the most common blocks we all experience.

1. Fear of failure.

Put it to bed and overcome it. Better to have tried and failed,then to not have tried at all. Trying is winning after all. Not giving your ideas a go is the real failure. A failure to believe in yourself. A failure to follow your gut and your intuition. Making yourself a casualty of your own lack of belief is really sad. I personally think there is no such thing as failure: you take the plunge and you will end up somewhere – moving you to the next step of where you are going. It may not be a full step – it may just be a little hiccup of a step. But you will land somewhere – and that somewhere will be a step across from where you were at least. Stagnation is death. Death of the soul.

2. Worry about what other people will think and say.

50% of people will love what you do and 50% will most likely hate it. That is the Law of The Universe and the Law of Averages. So suck it up and do not concern yourself with them. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do – there will always be  equal amounts of criticism and adoration. That is just how it goes. I mean, think of your favourite celebrity, or actor, or humanitarian, or activist, or writer, or singer, or scientist. It does not matter how fabulous you think someone is, there will be someone out there determined to criticize them and send a whole heap of negativity their way.  At the same time, a whole heap of positive reinforcement will come your way too. So if someone who is already way further down the accomplishment path than you can get criticism thrown at them – why can’t you?

In my own life, I have had to really dig deep to accomplish some of my goals and some things I have missed out on because I could not conquer and overcome my fears and anxieties.

My first huge life challenge was starting to learn drum-kit at age 24. I felt quite foolish walking into Billy Hydes Drumcraft, in Commonwealth St, Surry Hills at that age to have my first lesson. All the guys working there seemed so very young and pretty cool  – and they could all play drums of course. And I felt like some old and “all too late to learn woman”.

When I had my first ever ‘jam / audition’ to join a band I was so nervous that I would take too long to set up my kit ,that I spent hours at home in my lounge room, assembling and de-assembling my drum-kit. And timing myself ha ha ah! Up and down. Up and down. Up and down.  The whole thing – kick, toms, peddle, microphone in case they required backing vocals, high hat, ride! Over and over and over again, until I was satisfied I would look like I knew what I was doing. If anyone could have seen me they would have laughed and laughed. Especially all the guys at  Billy Hydes. However – I had overcome my fear of looking stupid setting up my kit and I was on my way.

Well   – I am glad I did it. One of my bands I joined ended up being played on the radio some 5 years or so later. On Nova 96.9 in a battle of the bands competition of some sort. And I will never forget driving down Parammatta Rd, listening to me – Little Chrissy [ you will remember her from some other posts ] – playing drum-kit in a fabulous little Pop band called Sugar Hit.

Unfortunately, my bravery did not last and I was not able to overcome my fear of moving to the next level and moving to a place where I could play covers regularly in paying gigs and perhaps even be a session drummer. One rejection at an audition for a Rock Covers Band and I was cactus. The other drummers had serious drum-kits with all the bells and whistles. About 4 or 5 toms set up on a very impressive rack and I just had my trusty 5 piece black Pearl Export with a crash and a ride. My confidence was gone. My audition / jam was rubbish.

All over red rover.

I couldn’t bring myself to go and “jam” again as I felt so sure I was no good.

So – that was the end of my career as a drummer.

However something of value did come out of this experience. And that was experience.

The next time I felt that I wasn’t good enough. I turned around and did it anyway.

And that was when I launched my tap syllabus Tapatak Oz.

Having the memory of “what might have been” as a drummer lurking in my memory, I determined that no matter what, I was going to write this syllabus and launch it out into the public arena.

I would not be defeated by fear. I would not give up before I even tried.

If it sold some copies that would be great.

And, if it didn’t sell?

No worries – I had allowed for my investment capitol to be lost.

At least I would know that I had tried and given it my best shot.

But as it happened, it did sell. And sell well. Obliterating all my expectations.

Not only did it sell in Australia, but I now have clients all over the world from Dubai to Finland to USA to New Zealand to France and Italy and Singapore.

Examinations and teacher Accreditation are also running throughout Australia.

To be honest – I don’t know if I thought I would ever sell any of this syllabus, even though I believed 100% in the quality and effectiveness of the product and still do.

It is great.

But I just had to try.  I could not face another “drumming fiasco” full of  “what might have been”.

So the point is this – if I had not been able to overcome my fear of putting myself and my tap dancing education product out there, it would not exist.

Pure and simple.

What you can become really does depend on what you can overcome.

So when you are looking at what you may want to do with your life and where you may want to go, stop and think to yourself:

1. What is stopping me here?
2. How can I overcome it?
3. What are my action steps to face this fear

Then lock and load – and you are on your way.

I now have this quote above my laptop in my office where I can see it every day.

It inspires me in all aspects of my life.

It guides me through new relationships, new friendships and all manner of endeavours – social, business, family, professional and personal.

It has helped me conquer my fear of flying, as I realized that if I wanted to travel, I had to conquer that fear.

Life really can be quite simple sometimes.

So discover what you need to conquer to be the person you want to be and to live the life you want to live.

Discover. Love. Be. Truth.

- Christine -

In this modern world it is curious to me that being young is seen as such an advantage. I mean, the older I get the more comfortable I become with who I am and I would not trade that insight and knowledge for anything in the world. I assume that most other “older” people feel the same. Some of the most amazing conversations I have ever had, have been with people 20 years my senior.

People with a lot more time on the planet than me.

People with so much more experience of life then me.

People with a lot more “scores “ on the proverbial board then me.

And yet as a society we have fabricated this really strange place where all this knowledge, and wisdom, and experience of life, is barely acknowledged, barely quantified and barely recognized, let alone celebrated and pursued.

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were Wisdom Forums that younger people could attend regularly, where the older generation could simply recount tales of their lives and the invaluable knowledge that they gained from this?

Tales of love and loss.

Tales of ingenuity and resilience.

Tales of daring and courage.

Tales of entrepreneurial prowess and business acumen.

Tales of life.

It seems to me that we consider “the elderly” as those people who are passed their used by date. Those people who need to be put into storage. Those of our society who have nothing to give.

In need of assistance.

But what if it is us – the younger generation that really need the assistance?

What if we are leaving our most valuable resource in the ground – so to speak?

Un-tapped.

Un-mined.

Un-utilized.

Perhaps if the older citizens of Planet Earth were treated as the ultimate living treasure trove that they represent, they would feel more alive and valued and present.

Perhaps we need to hark back to some of the ancient, inuit cultures where the Elders was a term of respect and endearment.

Perhaps we need to change the “frame of reference” hat surrounds our aging populations to bring them back to the relevance and respect that hey deserve.

No longer having any living grand-parents I truly regret not taking more time to hear their stories, their wisdom and their knowledge when I was growing up. Though fortunate to spend a lot of time with two of my grandparents, I still wish I had been more curious as to their lives and experiences. But we simply do not live in a culture that encourages a real celebration of our elderly, and I think this is a real calamity.

Are we missing the chance to learn from past generations to inform the future of humanity?

Are we missing the chance to connect the future with the past?

Are we under valuing life experience in favour of new technology, new ideas and new ways of doing things?

Is there not room for both?

These are questions I suggest you reflect upon and perhaps you may like to connect with an Elder in your community to discover the hidden treasures that they hold.

Perhaps we can all strive to change the way we see the aging process. Perhaps we can all strive to see age as a beautiful right of passage.

A flowing river of knowledge that we can all stop and drink from.

An incredible library of knowledge, built on experience, that we can all read from.

A wonderful testament to the passing of time, that we can all learn from.

The wisdom of age can only be shared by those who have reached old age and surely that passing of time and experience deserves a little more respect.

We seem to have set up a strange set of parameters where youth is honoured and obeyed to the detriment of our Elders.

Youth which is usually is flying by the seat of it’s proverbial pants with no idea what it is doing.

Youth which is playing a game of roulette half the time.

Youth that is often ignorant to life, its possibilities, its downfalls and its greatness.

Youth, that by virtue of its very role in life often thinks it knows everything when it knows very little.

But do not get me wrong. I too celebrate youth. I was once a youth. And I must admit that I fell into the trajectory of most of the above parameters. It is not a bad thing. It is what it is. We need both the young and the old for the world to go around. For the world to evolve.

The naivety and inexperience of youth is what gives us the courage and daring to try.

It gives us the bravery to hark upon new ways of doing things.

It gives us belief in a new order. A new paradigm.  A new way of being.

And these too are incredibly valuable commodities in our life experience.

But perhaps – just perhaps – we have lost sight of the perfect compliment to youth.

The Carriers of Wisdom.

The Candle Bearers of Experience.

It seems to me that our society has become a little “out of whack”.

We seem to celebrate everything that celebrates youth but show disdain for everything that represents ageing.

They are the yin and yang. The old and the new of existence.

How can one exist without the other – they can not.

Perhaps we could honour this fact a little more.

Without those humans who come before us, we simply could not exist.

And without those who come after us, humanity would not continue on.

Both are necessary to our development and evolution, so perhaps both should be given equal billing on the Marquee of Life.

So much advertising convinces us that we should be ashamed when we have wrinkles on our faces. That we should hide from the world when old age approaches.

This seems such a bizarre concept to me, for when we are older is the exact time to kick up our heels and feel fabulous! We have made it through the crappy times of youth when we were trying to defend our position on all manner of things. When we were trying to impress people with how we looked and who we are. When we not even certain we knew who we were, let alone trying to convince someone else.

As an Elder we have been through the crap of life, shot out the other end and usually have developed a life philosophy something akin to “ I couldn’t care less what you think what you think. This is me.”

And this stage of life should be celebrated a little more perhaps?

The wrinkles on a person’s face are the life -blood of their life experience written all over their face. The laughter lines. The worry lines. The mystery lines. Every little story etched in their face to be honoured and remembered and valued forever.

To me this seems a wonderful thing.

To be obsessed with deleting these lines, for the sake of a perceived “youthful beauty” seems so strange.

What of our Elder Beauty?

What of the meaning of our lives perhaps etched into our faces?

What of looking into someone’s eyes and into their souls to discover the mysteries that have held them for decades?

The mysteries and wisdom they have to share.

Yes. I do wear makeup.

Yes. I do strive to look my best.

Yes. I do colour my hair.

Perhaps this is an irony in my protestations about aging?

But one thing I do know for sure.

Should the time come that my face starts to age and sag and the wrinkles appear – I will not be seeking out a doctor to iron them out, as if I am a sorry old tablecloth that was left in the dryer for too long.

I shall look into the mirror and revel in my longevity.

I shall look into all those little cracks and crevices and revel in my stories and what a crazy ride it was creating and living them.

My past. My life. My wisdom. My history.

To get to a grand old age is not a privilege afforded to all.

So drink it in. Drink it up. Bathe in your older age.

Revel in all it affords you.

Revel in you Elder Status!

Revel in the opportunity to share your wisdom and live your life with this wisdom as your constant companion and counsel.

Revel in the opportunity to be the real you – pure and unadulterated -  after most likely having taken the best part of you life to figure out who exactly that is.

With this in mind, perhaps we can set new parameters and paradigms for aging.

New expectations.

Ageing gracefully?

Excuse me?

How about just aging honestly.

Aging truthfully.

Share your wisdom with those who are keen to find it.

Celebrating Elders and Youth equally for all they have to offer…..and everything in between ha ha.

Let’s see the gold in the Elders around us and explore it to the full.

Discover. Love. Be. Truth.

It is that easy.

- Christine -