And then it struck me as I lolled delightfully in my comfy little bed, that our lives are really like a boat.

They are geared naturally to take us somewhere, but unless we jump on board and set sail to harbours new, we are not going to go anywhere.

And whilst it is nice to watch your little boat sitting comfortably by the shoreline, you simply can not maximise it’s output or use it to it’s full extent, if you never actually get in it and take it for a spin in the surrounding waters.

And thus is your life.Your life is just like this little boat.

Sure it is nice and safe sitting idly by the shore’s edge, tied to the dock – but is it really fulfilling its true potential?

The answer is of course not.

You have to actively get into your life  - your little boat – and steer it to where you wish to go.

Around corners, out into deep waters, back into the shallows, out for a spot of fishing, a day out on the lake with friends, or a few hours practicing your artful manouvering to capitalise on all the boat has to offer.

This is the only way to evaluate the potential of your little boat – your life – what it is capable of and where it can take you.

You can theorise all you want, about it’s possibilities, it’s ability to float and navigate deep waters and bring joy to your life – but nothing will ever beat practical application and a hands on approach.

Life is no different.

I can certainly say from personal experience of my own little boat that I have:

* left the shore without adequate supplies and developed extreme hunger

* chosen the wrong trip for a boat my size

* upgraded to a ship too early and been out of my depth

* lost my proverbial oars into the ocean

*taken on water and and capsized

* misjudged the current capacities of the aforementioned boat and got into real trouble

* lost a few friends overboard

*navigated myself into treacherous waters which proved rather scary

But I have equally

*found the where-with-all to get out of some sticky situations

* had some marvellous afternoons quietly rocking on the water’s surface with a delightful lilt and sense of pure joy and satisfaction

* experienced some fantastic fishing trips

* learned to sail in all sized boats

* navigated my way to some pretty exotic, adventurous and fun places that only my little boat could take me

So you can see that you have to experience life personally to learn from its challenges and hone your life skills.

You have to take your boat out onto the water – and no-one else can do it for you.

Each little capsize is a lesson well learned, and a mistake – or rather misstep, that you will not make again. But if you little boat was left by the shore, you would be no better sailor and navigator today than you were a year ago, or ten years ago for that matter.

Capsizing is the sign of a life well spent.

A sign of lessons well learned.

A sign of knowledge that has been harvested and stored away for when it is needed.

So with each faltering expedition out onto the ocean in your little boat, be proud and courageous and learned. For you have succeeded in facing your fears, charting new territories and learning the inevitable lessons that come your way.

And for those seafarers amongst you, who are used to sailing out of the safe harbour, you will know the tremendous satisfaction that comes from both success and failure alike.

Success – a testament to a lesson well learned

Failure – strangely also a success, as it pin points and directs you effortlessly to the next challenge to be tackled. The next lesson to be learned and problem to be conquered.

So – you see it is a WIN WIN SITUATION.

Who knew?

We have been led to believe in this crazy world in which we live, that success is success and failure is failure.

Well nothing could be further from the truth.

Success sometimes comes with few lessons at all – so is it really success if gotten with no real knowledge and progress?

And failure? Failure can be a road to success with understanding and depth…….perhaps masking the real benefit of it’s experience.

For without initial failures and problems, you would have no appreciation of all you have achieved and even less understanding of how all the pieces in the puzzle fit together.

Failure brings with it invaluable knowledge to store for future use.

Success brings with it confidence to continue on and cast your boat a little further out into untested territories.

Both serve an invaluable purpose.

But neither can exist, if you do not jump enthusiastically into your little boat and steer it away from the safe harbour and into a brave new world.

You have been given this little boat – but only you can climb aboard and sail away into the possibility and adventures that await you.

So – for the next few days, I invite you to examine your little boat and if it is not already in the water and packed with supplies to go somewhere you have always wanted to go, I suggest you get prepared and plan to sail away for a little trip.

Choose your trip and companions wisely.

Choose the supplies you will need.

Let someone know where you are going so you have backup should you need it

Choose the waters into which you will sail and set your departure time…….

And then GO GO GO!

SAIL AWAY and live your life.

Get in that boat.

Chart your course.

Take the chance and set your aim.

You may just discover how invigorating it is to be a willing and pro-active participant in your own life.

The captain of your own ship. A seafarer extraordinaire. An adventurer of the high seas. A fisherman on a quiet lake.

The Master of your own Destiny!

#Discover You. #Love You. #Be You

Christine

I have written about this before, but felt compelled to write about it again as I came upon a wonderful quote a few days ago:

There is a difference between truly listening and waiting for your chance to talk

Ralph Waldo Emerson 

For me this quote is simply profound and yet so very very simple.

One short sentence says it all.

Most things I feel moved to write about are things that really strike me in my own life and this quote is no different. Firstly because I have a habit of “drifting off” when my family are talking to me and coming back into the conversation a little later with no idea what is going on and what has been said. It has been suggested that I have the attention span of a flea ha ha ha – whatever that may be? But I am assuming that it is not very long ha ha.

So for me the above quote is a real reminder to pay attention when people are speaking with me – as at the end of the day – we all just want to be heard, and seen, and listened to, and validated for who we are.

Sometimes we are so busy trying to be heard and seen and validated ourselves, that we forget the other person in the room has exactly the same needs as our own. And perhaps a greater awareness of this may lead us all to consider those around us a little more when we are communicating.

I must admit that I do try, when in a group of people to draw others into the conversation, as quite frankly I love hearing other people’s stories, ideas and opinions – and I have heard my own a million times before, rattling about in my own head ha ha. But it constantly amazes me that there are so many people, who seem genuinely unaware, when another person in the group is trying to contribute to a conversation and so in a very “unaware” way actively cut them off or shut them out.

No matter what we do in life, who we know or where we go – we all like to feel like the people around us are actually interested in us when we are speaking and doing and being. So perhaps we can all just try to be aware. To notice another person around us. To bring some sort of solidarity to the human experience and connect to others around us – if only for a moment.

Invite that quiet person in the group to share their opinion on something.

Acknowledge a stranger on the street or in your elevator or at the bus shelter, and ask them if they are OK and having a good day.

Open a door for someone carrying a lot of groceries.

Give up your seat on a bus for someone else who maybe older or looking more tired, or less able to stand for whatever reason.

Help the lady with the pram down the stairs.

Allow someone else to take the floor in an animated discussion, and sit yourself in the back seat for a while, to allow someone else to shine and be seen.

There is nothing worse than being surrounded by people and yet still feeling the immensity and weight of being alone.

Unheard.

Unseen.

Unwanted.

Unimportant.

It can pull the best of us down.

So for all those times you allow someone else to be seen through the gift of your attention…….the day may come when someone allows you to be seen, just when you need it most.

So for all those times you allow someone else to be heard through the gift of your silence……..the day may come when someone else allows you to be heard, at a crucial moment for you.

And for all those times you allow someone else to be validated for who they are……….the day may come when someone else validates you, at the very moment you are riddled with self doubt and angst.

We just all need to be more aware.

More cognisant of the needs of others – instead of just our own.

Am I great at this?

Not always.

Sometimes yes and sometimes no…..but I am trying to improve and that is all any of us can do.

So – this weekend as you go out into you social circles – analyse your own behaviour and see if you truly draw others out of themselves and invite them to shine their light.

Do you allow others to be heard?

Do you allow others to be seen?

Do you allow others to feel validated for just being themselves and being present?

Because the truth is that we all just want to matter in this crazy game of life – and perhaps if we all actively engaged in providing this space for others to excel and be and shine and share around us, we would all benefit in the end.

A utopian view perhaps?

I do not know – I simply pose the ideas.

It is for you to decide what is relevant and worthwhile to you.

My only aim is to be a catalyst for thought….nothing more and nothing less.

But the gift of my attention is what I am aiming to improve and develop at the moment. The ability to truly listen, as opposed to formulating my next explosion of verbal architecture whilst another person is speaking –  this is my aim.

Should you wish to join me – I wish you happy travels on this journey of self discovery and solidarity of the human condition.

There is only one thing to remember:

We all just want to be seen and heard.

So take your chance, seize the opportunity and make someone else visible –  and audible –  and special today.

Discover You. Love You. Be You.

- Christine -

Truth be told however, I do not really consider any of the relationships in my life to be toxic and that is the point if this blog.

Sure  – some relationships are not healthy if they are allowed to fester and continue on, in an abusive or non-productive way. The key when faced with this sort of  dynamic, is to recognize it, learn from it and get the hell out. Even the most pleasurable of relationships can “run their course” and suddenly find a need to be discontinued for a plethora of reasons.

No matter what the relationship: familial, social, romantic or work related, it is important to always see the intrinsic value that can be gained from looking at what that particular relationship has brought to your life experience?

What has this person taught you about yourself?

What would you like to repeat in the future?

What would you like to let go of next time around?

Human relationships are some of the most tricky, confusing, upsetting, rewarding and life affirming experiences that we can ever have. We can find ourselves very quickly loving or “not so loving” the other part of our relationship equation that is for sure. But the other thing that is a dead set certainty, is that no matter the dynamic of your friendships, romances, acquaintances and family ties they will all be lining up to teach you a thing or two about yourself.

The trickiest part of this equation is to be aware that there might be something from you to learn.

Instead of seeing things as I am right and they are wrong. Or we are so in love and he/she is just so perfect. Or I can’t believe they treated me that way etc  – take a step back and try to see the inherent beauty in the lesson that lies waiting for you beneath the surface.

It has been said that most people in our lives are reflecting back to us a partial image of ourselves. Mmmmmm – that is a little uncomfortable to hear isn’t it. So that incredibly aggravating boss, or ex-best friend, or judgmental parent, or uncaring ex-lover had traits that we ourselves have? No way! That can not be true? Or can it?

We bring into our lives people who can facilitate our growth as human beings after all. That is why we are here on this great big planet, spinning about the place with reckless abandon. We are meant to be figuring it out. Figuring ourselves out. And the best way to do that is through a series of relationships of all different sorts with different people and varying dynamics.

These are usually the most useful of all relationships.

Have you ever found yourself attracted over and over again to the same “type” of person who manages to push the same old buttons over and over again? Gee – I wonder why that is?

Heads up people.

It is a lesson.

A lesson you need to learn before you can move on to a place where you do not attract this same aggravation into your life again.

No doubt you will move on to a whole new set of aggravations ha ha ha – that is life.

There is always a challenge to be had. Life is not meant to be a series of canapés and cocktails at the yacht club. Sometimes your beer goes flat and the seagulls make off with your fish and chips. You just have to laugh it off and keep on going.

So the message here is really quite simple. No matter what the dynamic of the relationship you have with any person in your life – it is a vehicle for inner understanding and a processing of what is of true value to you.

An exercise in reflecting upon how you wish to be in the world.

The way other people treat you, relate to you, speak to you, interact with you, negotiate with you, play with you, caress you, seduce you, mistreat you, abuse you, misunderstand you, misrepresent you, support you, love you, respect you, cherish you, assist you, get to know you, follow you, betray you, help you. All these elements are a wonderful barometer of how things are going in your world.

They are a great barometer of how the world sees us.

And how we treat others, in these same relationships is a great barometer of how we see the world.

We reflect back to each other so many interesting aspects of ourselves.

Past hurts.

Past joys.

Expectations based on our history and experiences.

The key here is to really appreciate and exploit the opportunities that lie in each and every relationship we have in our lives. Whether pleasurable, painful or poisonous – they are all perfect in each and every way and exist as pure potentiality for our  growth and change.

Most of us exist in a world where we can choose to end a relationship or friendship and move on. So do not feel sad when that time comes.

Perhaps that match has come to an end?

Perhaps the lessons have been learned?

Perhaps you have finally “got it” and you are moving on to a new and exciting chapter in your life?

Perfection is often in the imperfection of all our life experiences.

Teaching us what we need to know and leading us on our never-ending journey of self-discovery.

So forge ahead everyone and be grateful for each and every lesson that comes screaming into your life, whether it creates harmony or disharmony. For each and every person that enters your domain, whether they create a world of sweet content or a whole lot of bitterness and aggravation.

The lesson will be there.

Look for it.

Find it.

Learn from it.

Can there possibly be anything better?

-Christine-

In this modern world it is curious to me that being young is seen as such an advantage. I mean, the older I get the more comfortable I become with who I am and I would not trade that insight and knowledge for anything in the world. I assume that most other “older” people feel the same. Some of the most amazing conversations I have ever had, have been with people 20 years my senior.

People with a lot more time on the planet than me.

People with so much more experience of life then me.

People with a lot more “scores “ on the proverbial board then me.

And yet as a society we have fabricated this really strange place where all this knowledge, and wisdom, and experience of life, is barely acknowledged, barely quantified and barely recognized, let alone celebrated and pursued.

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were Wisdom Forums that younger people could attend regularly, where the older generation could simply recount tales of their lives and the invaluable knowledge that they gained from this?

Tales of love and loss.

Tales of ingenuity and resilience.

Tales of daring and courage.

Tales of entrepreneurial prowess and business acumen.

Tales of life.

It seems to me that we consider “the elderly” as those people who are passed their used by date. Those people who need to be put into storage. Those of our society who have nothing to give.

In need of assistance.

But what if it is us – the younger generation that really need the assistance?

What if we are leaving our most valuable resource in the ground – so to speak?

Un-tapped.

Un-mined.

Un-utilized.

Perhaps if the older citizens of Planet Earth were treated as the ultimate living treasure trove that they represent, they would feel more alive and valued and present.

Perhaps we need to hark back to some of the ancient, inuit cultures where the Elders was a term of respect and endearment.

Perhaps we need to change the “frame of reference” hat surrounds our aging populations to bring them back to the relevance and respect that hey deserve.

No longer having any living grand-parents I truly regret not taking more time to hear their stories, their wisdom and their knowledge when I was growing up. Though fortunate to spend a lot of time with two of my grandparents, I still wish I had been more curious as to their lives and experiences. But we simply do not live in a culture that encourages a real celebration of our elderly, and I think this is a real calamity.

Are we missing the chance to learn from past generations to inform the future of humanity?

Are we missing the chance to connect the future with the past?

Are we under valuing life experience in favour of new technology, new ideas and new ways of doing things?

Is there not room for both?

These are questions I suggest you reflect upon and perhaps you may like to connect with an Elder in your community to discover the hidden treasures that they hold.

Perhaps we can all strive to change the way we see the aging process. Perhaps we can all strive to see age as a beautiful right of passage.

A flowing river of knowledge that we can all stop and drink from.

An incredible library of knowledge, built on experience, that we can all read from.

A wonderful testament to the passing of time, that we can all learn from.

The wisdom of age can only be shared by those who have reached old age and surely that passing of time and experience deserves a little more respect.

We seem to have set up a strange set of parameters where youth is honoured and obeyed to the detriment of our Elders.

Youth which is usually is flying by the seat of it’s proverbial pants with no idea what it is doing.

Youth which is playing a game of roulette half the time.

Youth that is often ignorant to life, its possibilities, its downfalls and its greatness.

Youth, that by virtue of its very role in life often thinks it knows everything when it knows very little.

But do not get me wrong. I too celebrate youth. I was once a youth. And I must admit that I fell into the trajectory of most of the above parameters. It is not a bad thing. It is what it is. We need both the young and the old for the world to go around. For the world to evolve.

The naivety and inexperience of youth is what gives us the courage and daring to try.

It gives us the bravery to hark upon new ways of doing things.

It gives us belief in a new order. A new paradigm.  A new way of being.

And these too are incredibly valuable commodities in our life experience.

But perhaps – just perhaps – we have lost sight of the perfect compliment to youth.

The Carriers of Wisdom.

The Candle Bearers of Experience.

It seems to me that our society has become a little “out of whack”.

We seem to celebrate everything that celebrates youth but show disdain for everything that represents ageing.

They are the yin and yang. The old and the new of existence.

How can one exist without the other – they can not.

Perhaps we could honour this fact a little more.

Without those humans who come before us, we simply could not exist.

And without those who come after us, humanity would not continue on.

Both are necessary to our development and evolution, so perhaps both should be given equal billing on the Marquee of Life.

So much advertising convinces us that we should be ashamed when we have wrinkles on our faces. That we should hide from the world when old age approaches.

This seems such a bizarre concept to me, for when we are older is the exact time to kick up our heels and feel fabulous! We have made it through the crappy times of youth when we were trying to defend our position on all manner of things. When we were trying to impress people with how we looked and who we are. When we not even certain we knew who we were, let alone trying to convince someone else.

As an Elder we have been through the crap of life, shot out the other end and usually have developed a life philosophy something akin to “ I couldn’t care less what you think what you think. This is me.”

And this stage of life should be celebrated a little more perhaps?

The wrinkles on a person’s face are the life -blood of their life experience written all over their face. The laughter lines. The worry lines. The mystery lines. Every little story etched in their face to be honoured and remembered and valued forever.

To me this seems a wonderful thing.

To be obsessed with deleting these lines, for the sake of a perceived “youthful beauty” seems so strange.

What of our Elder Beauty?

What of the meaning of our lives perhaps etched into our faces?

What of looking into someone’s eyes and into their souls to discover the mysteries that have held them for decades?

The mysteries and wisdom they have to share.

Yes. I do wear makeup.

Yes. I do strive to look my best.

Yes. I do colour my hair.

Perhaps this is an irony in my protestations about aging?

But one thing I do know for sure.

Should the time come that my face starts to age and sag and the wrinkles appear – I will not be seeking out a doctor to iron them out, as if I am a sorry old tablecloth that was left in the dryer for too long.

I shall look into the mirror and revel in my longevity.

I shall look into all those little cracks and crevices and revel in my stories and what a crazy ride it was creating and living them.

My past. My life. My wisdom. My history.

To get to a grand old age is not a privilege afforded to all.

So drink it in. Drink it up. Bathe in your older age.

Revel in all it affords you.

Revel in you Elder Status!

Revel in the opportunity to share your wisdom and live your life with this wisdom as your constant companion and counsel.

Revel in the opportunity to be the real you – pure and unadulterated -  after most likely having taken the best part of you life to figure out who exactly that is.

With this in mind, perhaps we can set new parameters and paradigms for aging.

New expectations.

Ageing gracefully?

Excuse me?

How about just aging honestly.

Aging truthfully.

Share your wisdom with those who are keen to find it.

Celebrating Elders and Youth equally for all they have to offer…..and everything in between ha ha.

Let’s see the gold in the Elders around us and explore it to the full.

Discover. Love. Be. Truth.

It is that easy.

- Christine -