I have written about this before, but felt compelled to write about it again as I came upon a wonderful quote a few days ago:

There is a difference between truly listening and waiting for your chance to talk

Ralph Waldo Emerson 

For me this quote is simply profound and yet so very very simple.

One short sentence says it all.

Most things I feel moved to write about are things that really strike me in my own life and this quote is no different. Firstly because I have a habit of “drifting off” when my family are talking to me and coming back into the conversation a little later with no idea what is going on and what has been said. It has been suggested that I have the attention span of a flea ha ha ha – whatever that may be? But I am assuming that it is not very long ha ha.

So for me the above quote is a real reminder to pay attention when people are speaking with me – as at the end of the day – we all just want to be heard, and seen, and listened to, and validated for who we are.

Sometimes we are so busy trying to be heard and seen and validated ourselves, that we forget the other person in the room has exactly the same needs as our own. And perhaps a greater awareness of this may lead us all to consider those around us a little more when we are communicating.

I must admit that I do try, when in a group of people to draw others into the conversation, as quite frankly I love hearing other people’s stories, ideas and opinions – and I have heard my own a million times before, rattling about in my own head ha ha. But it constantly amazes me that there are so many people, who seem genuinely unaware, when another person in the group is trying to contribute to a conversation and so in a very “unaware” way actively cut them off or shut them out.

No matter what we do in life, who we know or where we go – we all like to feel like the people around us are actually interested in us when we are speaking and doing and being. So perhaps we can all just try to be aware. To notice another person around us. To bring some sort of solidarity to the human experience and connect to others around us – if only for a moment.

Invite that quiet person in the group to share their opinion on something.

Acknowledge a stranger on the street or in your elevator or at the bus shelter, and ask them if they are OK and having a good day.

Open a door for someone carrying a lot of groceries.

Give up your seat on a bus for someone else who maybe older or looking more tired, or less able to stand for whatever reason.

Help the lady with the pram down the stairs.

Allow someone else to take the floor in an animated discussion, and sit yourself in the back seat for a while, to allow someone else to shine and be seen.

There is nothing worse than being surrounded by people and yet still feeling the immensity and weight of being alone.

Unheard.

Unseen.

Unwanted.

Unimportant.

It can pull the best of us down.

So for all those times you allow someone else to be seen through the gift of your attention…….the day may come when someone allows you to be seen, just when you need it most.

So for all those times you allow someone else to be heard through the gift of your silence……..the day may come when someone else allows you to be heard, at a crucial moment for you.

And for all those times you allow someone else to be validated for who they are……….the day may come when someone else validates you, at the very moment you are riddled with self doubt and angst.

We just all need to be more aware.

More cognisant of the needs of others – instead of just our own.

Am I great at this?

Not always.

Sometimes yes and sometimes no…..but I am trying to improve and that is all any of us can do.

So – this weekend as you go out into you social circles – analyse your own behaviour and see if you truly draw others out of themselves and invite them to shine their light.

Do you allow others to be heard?

Do you allow others to be seen?

Do you allow others to feel validated for just being themselves and being present?

Because the truth is that we all just want to matter in this crazy game of life – and perhaps if we all actively engaged in providing this space for others to excel and be and shine and share around us, we would all benefit in the end.

A utopian view perhaps?

I do not know – I simply pose the ideas.

It is for you to decide what is relevant and worthwhile to you.

My only aim is to be a catalyst for thought….nothing more and nothing less.

But the gift of my attention is what I am aiming to improve and develop at the moment. The ability to truly listen, as opposed to formulating my next explosion of verbal architecture whilst another person is speaking –  this is my aim.

Should you wish to join me – I wish you happy travels on this journey of self discovery and solidarity of the human condition.

There is only one thing to remember:

We all just want to be seen and heard.

So take your chance, seize the opportunity and make someone else visible –  and audible –  and special today.

Discover You. Love You. Be You.

- Christine -

In this modern world it is curious to me that being young is seen as such an advantage. I mean, the older I get the more comfortable I become with who I am and I would not trade that insight and knowledge for anything in the world. I assume that most other “older” people feel the same. Some of the most amazing conversations I have ever had, have been with people 20 years my senior.

People with a lot more time on the planet than me.

People with so much more experience of life then me.

People with a lot more “scores “ on the proverbial board then me.

And yet as a society we have fabricated this really strange place where all this knowledge, and wisdom, and experience of life, is barely acknowledged, barely quantified and barely recognized, let alone celebrated and pursued.

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were Wisdom Forums that younger people could attend regularly, where the older generation could simply recount tales of their lives and the invaluable knowledge that they gained from this?

Tales of love and loss.

Tales of ingenuity and resilience.

Tales of daring and courage.

Tales of entrepreneurial prowess and business acumen.

Tales of life.

It seems to me that we consider “the elderly” as those people who are passed their used by date. Those people who need to be put into storage. Those of our society who have nothing to give.

In need of assistance.

But what if it is us – the younger generation that really need the assistance?

What if we are leaving our most valuable resource in the ground – so to speak?

Un-tapped.

Un-mined.

Un-utilized.

Perhaps if the older citizens of Planet Earth were treated as the ultimate living treasure trove that they represent, they would feel more alive and valued and present.

Perhaps we need to hark back to some of the ancient, inuit cultures where the Elders was a term of respect and endearment.

Perhaps we need to change the “frame of reference” hat surrounds our aging populations to bring them back to the relevance and respect that hey deserve.

No longer having any living grand-parents I truly regret not taking more time to hear their stories, their wisdom and their knowledge when I was growing up. Though fortunate to spend a lot of time with two of my grandparents, I still wish I had been more curious as to their lives and experiences. But we simply do not live in a culture that encourages a real celebration of our elderly, and I think this is a real calamity.

Are we missing the chance to learn from past generations to inform the future of humanity?

Are we missing the chance to connect the future with the past?

Are we under valuing life experience in favour of new technology, new ideas and new ways of doing things?

Is there not room for both?

These are questions I suggest you reflect upon and perhaps you may like to connect with an Elder in your community to discover the hidden treasures that they hold.

Perhaps we can all strive to change the way we see the aging process. Perhaps we can all strive to see age as a beautiful right of passage.

A flowing river of knowledge that we can all stop and drink from.

An incredible library of knowledge, built on experience, that we can all read from.

A wonderful testament to the passing of time, that we can all learn from.

The wisdom of age can only be shared by those who have reached old age and surely that passing of time and experience deserves a little more respect.

We seem to have set up a strange set of parameters where youth is honoured and obeyed to the detriment of our Elders.

Youth which is usually is flying by the seat of it’s proverbial pants with no idea what it is doing.

Youth which is playing a game of roulette half the time.

Youth that is often ignorant to life, its possibilities, its downfalls and its greatness.

Youth, that by virtue of its very role in life often thinks it knows everything when it knows very little.

But do not get me wrong. I too celebrate youth. I was once a youth. And I must admit that I fell into the trajectory of most of the above parameters. It is not a bad thing. It is what it is. We need both the young and the old for the world to go around. For the world to evolve.

The naivety and inexperience of youth is what gives us the courage and daring to try.

It gives us the bravery to hark upon new ways of doing things.

It gives us belief in a new order. A new paradigm.  A new way of being.

And these too are incredibly valuable commodities in our life experience.

But perhaps – just perhaps – we have lost sight of the perfect compliment to youth.

The Carriers of Wisdom.

The Candle Bearers of Experience.

It seems to me that our society has become a little “out of whack”.

We seem to celebrate everything that celebrates youth but show disdain for everything that represents ageing.

They are the yin and yang. The old and the new of existence.

How can one exist without the other – they can not.

Perhaps we could honour this fact a little more.

Without those humans who come before us, we simply could not exist.

And without those who come after us, humanity would not continue on.

Both are necessary to our development and evolution, so perhaps both should be given equal billing on the Marquee of Life.

So much advertising convinces us that we should be ashamed when we have wrinkles on our faces. That we should hide from the world when old age approaches.

This seems such a bizarre concept to me, for when we are older is the exact time to kick up our heels and feel fabulous! We have made it through the crappy times of youth when we were trying to defend our position on all manner of things. When we were trying to impress people with how we looked and who we are. When we not even certain we knew who we were, let alone trying to convince someone else.

As an Elder we have been through the crap of life, shot out the other end and usually have developed a life philosophy something akin to “ I couldn’t care less what you think what you think. This is me.”

And this stage of life should be celebrated a little more perhaps?

The wrinkles on a person’s face are the life -blood of their life experience written all over their face. The laughter lines. The worry lines. The mystery lines. Every little story etched in their face to be honoured and remembered and valued forever.

To me this seems a wonderful thing.

To be obsessed with deleting these lines, for the sake of a perceived “youthful beauty” seems so strange.

What of our Elder Beauty?

What of the meaning of our lives perhaps etched into our faces?

What of looking into someone’s eyes and into their souls to discover the mysteries that have held them for decades?

The mysteries and wisdom they have to share.

Yes. I do wear makeup.

Yes. I do strive to look my best.

Yes. I do colour my hair.

Perhaps this is an irony in my protestations about aging?

But one thing I do know for sure.

Should the time come that my face starts to age and sag and the wrinkles appear – I will not be seeking out a doctor to iron them out, as if I am a sorry old tablecloth that was left in the dryer for too long.

I shall look into the mirror and revel in my longevity.

I shall look into all those little cracks and crevices and revel in my stories and what a crazy ride it was creating and living them.

My past. My life. My wisdom. My history.

To get to a grand old age is not a privilege afforded to all.

So drink it in. Drink it up. Bathe in your older age.

Revel in all it affords you.

Revel in you Elder Status!

Revel in the opportunity to share your wisdom and live your life with this wisdom as your constant companion and counsel.

Revel in the opportunity to be the real you – pure and unadulterated -  after most likely having taken the best part of you life to figure out who exactly that is.

With this in mind, perhaps we can set new parameters and paradigms for aging.

New expectations.

Ageing gracefully?

Excuse me?

How about just aging honestly.

Aging truthfully.

Share your wisdom with those who are keen to find it.

Celebrating Elders and Youth equally for all they have to offer…..and everything in between ha ha.

Let’s see the gold in the Elders around us and explore it to the full.

Discover. Love. Be. Truth.

It is that easy.

- Christine -

Perhaps we have forgotten the true art of giving. A giving that requires nothing but an awareness of our capacity to do so. A giving that can truly impact upon another person and make their day.

The giving of our time.

The giving of our attention.

The giving of our support.

The generosity of our spirit seems to be what we are missing in today’s modern world. And we are missing out big time because the beauty of this type of giving is that it pays the biggest dividends right back to you – immediately.

It leaves the giver and the receiver both feeling pretty wonderful and most of the time, all it takes is a little bit of thought. A little bit of awareness – and perhaps a little bit of stepping out of our comfort zones and making the first move.

One instance that I remember vividly was walking down Pitt St in the heart of Sydney on a busy Tuesday afternoon. I do not usually go into the city but I was attending a seminar and was walking back from lunch. As I walked down the street an old man with a big square walking frame, came shuffling very slowly and methodically towards me.  He looked so out of place. Moving so slowly, his head bowed low with such determination. People flying past him, hurriedly eating food, talking on their phones, traffic screeching past. Everyone in their own very self-important worlds.

And there amongst this chaos was this grey haired man, just quietly plodding down the street – with no acknowledgment from anyone that he was even there. It was like he was invisible. It was like he didn’t exist. And it made me feel so incredibly sad. So incredibly ashamed of what our society has become. So desperate to make him smile and make him see that someone had noticed him that busy Tuesday lunchtime.

As people continued to rush by us, I suddenly felt an urge to simply say hello to this man as he passed by.

So I made eye contact and said: “ Good afternoon – what a gorgeous day ”

That was it. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing earth shatteringly witty or robust.

Nothing that required great intelligence, thought or humour.

Just a simple greeting.

This elegant and somewhat determined gentleman immediately looked to me .His eyes, which had been so full of sadness not a moment earlier, were suddenly lit up like a Xmas Tree! His face beamed with a smile that I will never forget as he responded: “ Yes – it is indeed a beautiful day.”

And that was it.

The end of our exchange.

He shuffled off out of sight and I continued back to my seminar

The whole episode took no more than 10 seconds.

But what an incredible 10 seconds they were.

Our two souls connected for that moment and I will never forget it.

I felt on top of the world.

Energized. Invincible. Useful.

I remember thinking to myself – now that is what life is about!

Sure – I am not always so self aware and giving. None of us is. But this day, I felt that I got it right.

So my challenge to you is to try and give – each and every day.

Give the gift of time and acknowledgement.

It may be to a stranger. It may be to a family member. It may be to a friend.

And you may just be blown away by how much joy you can feel in this one quick and easy  step.

Helping a stranger get their pram up a flight of stairs. Grabbing the other end of a suitcase for a traveller struggling to get on the bus. Saying hello to the person selling the Big Issue on the street corner. Smiling and saying hello as you pass a stranger in the street. Making conversation with your neighbours in the elevator where you live. Telling your local barista that you love his coffee and that he does a great job.

Taking your i-pod out of your ears and chatting with the person waiting at the bus stop next to you. Calling your Mum or Dad and having a chat for 5 – 10 minutes. Calling a friend you haven’t heard from in ages, to check all is OK in their world. Holding the door open for someone – just because. Giving up your seat on the bus or train for an older person or a woman with children who needs to sit. Helping someone carry their groceries. Baking cookies for the people at work.

This list could go on forever – but I am sure you are getting the picture.

We have been convinced in our consumer driven world, that we need to have money to give. That we need to buy people stuff to show them that we care.

But the simple truth is that we all have the capacity to give the biggest gift of all.

The gift of us!

Knowing that you can impact someone else’s day so greatly and with so little effort is a truly empowering thing.

So feel great about being you. You have the power to make someone else’s day. And it doesn’t have to cost you a thing.

All you need to do is look out for those opportunities and take them when you see them.

We all just want to be seen.

We all just want to be heard.

We all just want to be acknowledged .

And the Power to Connect with another human being is all yours.

So go and exercise that power.

Give the gift of you.

It will give back to you ten fold and put a smile firmly on your face for days!

Enjoy. Give. Connect.

- Christine -