The Competition Stakes – are you a player?

Well hello to all,

No doubt many of you read the title of today’s blog and thought: “I don’t compete with anyone else – that is just kid’s stuff. I am my own man / woman.  I am just not competitive at all. I am very settled in my own life and do not give anyone else a second thought as I go about my business.”

Mmmmmm – well I beg to differ and think it is always good to stop and take a good look at the level of competition we have let take hold in our lives from time to time. Just a healthy ” Game Check” to see where you stand and how you are playing, because a feeling of constantly competing with others, whether they be family or friends is simply one of the most soul destroying activities in which you can engage.

I should know – because I have spent most of my life is this endless and hapless cycle of competing with everyone and everything. And I can assure you that it has brought no joy. But finally, I am happy to announce – the light has dawned on marble head, as the saying goes ha ha ha.

So are you a serial offender in the Competition Stakes and is there any type of competition that is good for you?Well – clearly the first of these questions can only be answered by You – the serial or non serial offender ha ha.

But, for me, the second question is easily answered as yes. A healthy level of competition is when you are competing with yourself. When you set yourself a goal and then head towards it, challenging yourself to get further each time and achieve more as you go along. Going along with your own ideas and paradigms of what progress is for you, given the challenges that you are facing and your own set of pre-existing conditions.

I believe this is to be a healthy level of competition. Competing with yourself.

But constantly comparing yourself to others is a game that you will never win.

Why?

Because there will always be someone you perceive as better than you, and there will always be someone you perceive as not as good as you. That is simply the law of the land and to think otherwise is crazy. Notice my use of the word perceived here too – as it is important to remember that in many aspects of life, what you think, can just come down to a point of view or perception of some thing, with two or more people having totally different takes on the event / person / skill level etc in question.

Life is subjective and you are wasting your time if you are competing with other people, as there are simply too many variables and unknowables in most situations for you to be able to appraise the situation as it actually stands.

You can only be biased.

The others around you, whom you are competing with can only be biased.

Why?

Because you can only experience your point of view – and for this reason I believe that competing with yourself is the only sensible option, as it is the only circumstance in which you have a chance of actually being familiar with all the relevant facts and information. And even then, you run the risk of being biased, as that is all you can do, as you will be influenced by your own life experience and pre conditioning.

[This blog has suddenly become more complicated than I had anticipated at the start ha ha.]

Anyways – the simple point remains, that competing with others is a waste of your time.

You don’t know what their background or history is and quite frankly it should be irrelevant to you, because you will never know the parameters of what their achievement means to them and what history got them to where they are now. You can never have the complete story, so how can you let a “half truth or a half story” effect your experience and appreciation of you?

It sounds crazy doesn’t it?

And it is.

In so many ways people seem to be competing these days. Pitted against each other on all fronts:

* who has the prettiest face

* who has the nicest car

* who’s child is the most talented

* who earns the most money

* who has the best husband / wife / girlfriend / boyfriend / lover

* who goes on the best holidays

The list goes on and on and on.

Now ……….do you still think you are not competitive ha ha???

For a moment – grab and pen and paper and write down some ways in which you think you may be unhealthily competitive with others. Friends, family, famous people, TV stars, whomever…

Don’t be shy ha ha ha – there is no judgement here – just an honest look at the Competition Stakes.

Society has pit us all against each other – but for what?

It really makes no sense at all when you take a step back and assess the situation.

So decide enough is enough and simply do not buy into it anymore.

Challenge yourself to be the best you can be- yes.

Encourage your children to be the best they can be – yes.

Go all out to pursue your dreams that are genuinely of value to you and in line with what you truly value at the core of your being – yes.

But – judging your success and progress based on the half truths you see as the public face of some other person’s progress and from your pre conceived notions of what it took for them to get there and what it means to them?

Craziness.

As an adjudicator of dance competitions for over 20 years, I have seen many children come onto the stage. And some of the most heart warming performances and grandest achievements in my mind, have been by those children, who are never going to win the trophy that day. They didn’t win the trophy but they are the children who have in some cases really won the prize.

The children with a disability, who overcame huge obstacles just to get out onto the stage.

The children with, as of yet, very little skill level but an unabashed JOY for dance.

The children who are deaf – but still dance and show a commitment like no other dancer on that stage.

The children who have never been on stage before and look terrified to their very core until their dance is finished – but then show the most wonderful sense of accomplishment as the crowd applauds and they run off into the wings.

The little girl who forgets her dance, but comes back later to try again through her tear streaked little face and makes it to the end without running off in a panic like the first time.

These children have taught me a lot over the years, as they showed me what true winning is.

They demonstrated time after time – that winning the competition against someone else is not nearly as important as winning the competition against yourself, as we all have different goal posts and paradigms within which we are working.

Competing with yourself – in a gentle, nurturing and fearless way – can lead you to full-filling your greatest potential and conquering your greatest fears and challenges.

Competing with others is a sure fire way to self deprecation, self loathing, bitterness, jealousy and unsportsmanlike behaviour.

So – if you are a serial competitor in the Competition Stakes……decide once and for all to get off that horse and  jump on another one, which can carry you to a new finish line, where you can run your own race on your own terms.

Run Your Own Race – Not Someone Else’s.

The rewards are grand.

#DiscoverYou, #LoveYou, #BeYou

Christine