Deathbed Confessions and Reflections on Life

Todays blog is inspired by a conversation I had with a taxi driver recently as I headed to the airport on my way to teach an out of town seminar. As is often the case, I had quite the dialogue with this wonderful man who turned out to be the purveyor of great wisdom. Perhaps it is because they sit in their cab chatting with customers all day long, that many of them have these great observations about life and people in general?

Whatever the reason, I am ever so grateful that I seem to attract these incredible “thinkers” of our time who are willing to engage with me on some rather deep and sometimes taboo topics.  Many of my friends find the conversations that I have with taxi drivers quite intriguing ha ha ha ha – but there you go. They are the conversations I like to have.

And this conversation that I want to share centred around what you think about as you lie on your death bed? Like I said – not always the most embraced topic ha ha.There are actually some great books written on this topic and many a saying about ” careening into your death bed as opposed to walking there in some very calm, planned and composed manner” ha ha ha. But one theme that seems to be common in people’s approach to death –  when they know it is coming – is that they never seem to wish they had worked more. Played more – yes. But work more – not so much!

I have never read anywhere, that a person lying on their death bed has said:

” Gee I wish I had worked later that Friday night in May 2012″

or ” It is a shame that I took that holiday to the Bahamas when I could have worked those extra 14 days and put more money in the bank”

or ” That dinner with Jim and Jerry was such a waste of time – I could have been typing up that report instead”.

I mean – even when you read these statements they simply sound ridiculous – almost laughable. You just think – “are you serious ?”

So it seems to me, that it actually takes a communion with death, for us to actually appreciate and recognise life and what is truly important in it.

A great book on this topic is  The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, by Bronnie Ware.  In this book she shares her own life story, and interweaves it with the lessons she learned from her experiences with the patients she tended as a palliative care nurse.

The top five regrets as listed by her in this book are: 

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself 

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard 

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings 

4. I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends and 

5. I wish I’d let myself be happier  

Note that nowhere does anyone say ” I wish I had worked more”

So in a way – it seems to me that we are living a life that is convoluted with a lot of stuff that we are doing for no real reason. Perhaps we do these things out of a sense of obligation or duty? But whatever the reason, I suggest that you stop, prior to finding yourself on your death bed and wishing you had taken a different path.

Again – how wonderfully the prospect of death can put things into focus so it seems. And regardless of your views on death and perception of what comes next – we would all still like to think that when that moment comes, we shall be ready to “hang up our proverbial hat” in the full and grounding knowledge that our lives were well spent is pursuits that really mattered.

And as I have already mentioned…..working does not seem to be high on the agenda for those who have faced the spectre of death and come back to tell the tale.

Now once again – I do aim to be balanced in my writings, so I feel that I must say here that I do think a strong work ethic is important in life. And I do personally believe that having purposeful activities with which to fill one’s days are of the utmost importance. So I am not for one moment suggesting that you all quit work, grab and bikini and spend the rest of your days drinking Pina Coladas on a remote tropical island somewhere – though it does sound nice haha ah ha.

All I am saying is that balance can be a great motivator.

And perhaps it is worthwhile to look at your life in a more balanced way and truly value and take part in all the opportunities that life offers as opposed to saying: ” Sorry – I have to work”.

There are many family holidays I missed because I decided to teach a workshop instead.

And quite to the point of the article, when my family reminisce about these particular holidays, do I say – ” I am so glad I decided to work instead”? – no I do not.

I am always thinking ” I can not believe that I chose to work and didn’t do that trip – they had such a great time and that opportunity will not come again….poor choice Christine”.

In fact, one particular holiday has become quite the “joke” in our family and every time it comes up in conversation I hear the same thing: ” We told you to come on the holiday – but you wouldn’t listen. You said you had to work and teach your workshop”.

And “kaboom” – they are right. I have no come back – just the knowledge that I missed that incredible family holiday to teach a workshop, that yes – brought in some money – but in all honesty I could have missed, or rescheduled.

So as I sped to the airport with Taxi Guru, we mulled over this concept and both agreed that when our times come and we  find ourselves on our deathbeds, we will not be bemoaning the fact that we worked too much. We will not be addressing any of those top 5 regrets of dying. We will not be feeling sorry about the lives we lived.

We shall triumphantly call to Dr Death: ” Take me now Dr Death to whatever is next for I have had a glorious life. I have done so many fantastic things. I have spent some cracker nights with friends, travelled the world, had some laughs, eaten some glorious food and tasted some delightful wine, I have danced and sung and lived and loved and I am as happy as I can be. So take me now and lead me on, to whatever is next in this great life adventure. For I am done and pleased with all I have achieved and experienced in this part of my life “

So today – this is my wish for you all. That when you get to that junction – you too can pronounce your own cheerful farewell, similar to the one above but full of all that you love to do and experience.

My wish is that you can extend a hand of friendship to Dr Death, welcome him in and go happily on your merry way, in the knowledge that you have had a life well spent. A life spent in the ways and pursuits that matter to you.

And on that note – I encourage you to to write your own message to Dr Death and figure out how best you want to live your life with no regrets, so that when you do get there – you feel calm and happy and satiated by the life you have chosen to live.

I highly recommend reading The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, by Bronnie Ware.

It is a heart warming wake up call to be all you can be while you can.

#DiscoverYou. #LoveYou #BeYou

And do it now while you have the chance

 - Christine -