Painful, pleasurable or poisonous – there’s perfection to be found

It is so funny, but as soon as I typed in the heading for this blog, Brittany Spear’s “Toxic” started playing over and over in my head. It makes me wonder why I am suddenly drawn to all the memories of the “toxic” relationships in my life as opposed to all the pleasurable ones?

Truth be told however, I do not really consider any of the relationships in my life to be toxic and that is the point if this blog.

Sure  – some relationships are not healthy if they are allowed to fester and continue on, in an abusive or non-productive way. The key when faced with this sort of  dynamic, is to recognize it, learn from it and get the hell out. Even the most pleasurable of relationships can “run their course” and suddenly find a need to be discontinued for a plethora of reasons.

No matter what the relationship: familial, social, romantic or work related, it is important to always see the intrinsic value that can be gained from looking at what that particular relationship has brought to your life experience?

What has this person taught you about yourself?

What would you like to repeat in the future?

What would you like to let go of next time around?

Human relationships are some of the most tricky, confusing, upsetting, rewarding and life affirming experiences that we can ever have. We can find ourselves very quickly loving or “not so loving” the other part of our relationship equation that is for sure. But the other thing that is a dead set certainty, is that no matter the dynamic of your friendships, romances, acquaintances and family ties they will all be lining up to teach you a thing or two about yourself.

The trickiest part of this equation is to be aware that there might be something from you to learn.

Instead of seeing things as I am right and they are wrong. Or we are so in love and he/she is just so perfect. Or I can’t believe they treated me that way etc  – take a step back and try to see the inherent beauty in the lesson that lies waiting for you beneath the surface.

It has been said that most people in our lives are reflecting back to us a partial image of ourselves. Mmmmmm – that is a little uncomfortable to hear isn’t it. So that incredibly aggravating boss, or ex-best friend, or judgmental parent, or uncaring ex-lover had traits that we ourselves have? No way! That can not be true? Or can it?

We bring into our lives people who can facilitate our growth as human beings after all. That is why we are here on this great big planet, spinning about the place with reckless abandon. We are meant to be figuring it out. Figuring ourselves out. And the best way to do that is through a series of relationships of all different sorts with different people and varying dynamics.

These are usually the most useful of all relationships.

Have you ever found yourself attracted over and over again to the same “type” of person who manages to push the same old buttons over and over again? Gee – I wonder why that is?

Heads up people.

It is a lesson.

A lesson you need to learn before you can move on to a place where you do not attract this same aggravation into your life again.

No doubt you will move on to a whole new set of aggravations ha ha ha – that is life.

There is always a challenge to be had. Life is not meant to be a series of canapés and cocktails at the yacht club. Sometimes your beer goes flat and the seagulls make off with your fish and chips. You just have to laugh it off and keep on going.

So the message here is really quite simple. No matter what the dynamic of the relationship you have with any person in your life – it is a vehicle for inner understanding and a processing of what is of true value to you.

An exercise in reflecting upon how you wish to be in the world.

The way other people treat you, relate to you, speak to you, interact with you, negotiate with you, play with you, caress you, seduce you, mistreat you, abuse you, misunderstand you, misrepresent you, support you, love you, respect you, cherish you, assist you, get to know you, follow you, betray you, help you. All these elements are a wonderful barometer of how things are going in your world.

They are a great barometer of how the world sees us.

And how we treat others, in these same relationships is a great barometer of how we see the world.

We reflect back to each other so many interesting aspects of ourselves.

Past hurts.

Past joys.

Expectations based on our history and experiences.

The key here is to really appreciate and exploit the opportunities that lie in each and every relationship we have in our lives. Whether pleasurable, painful or poisonous – they are all perfect in each and every way and exist as pure potentiality for our  growth and change.

Most of us exist in a world where we can choose to end a relationship or friendship and move on. So do not feel sad when that time comes.

Perhaps that match has come to an end?

Perhaps the lessons have been learned?

Perhaps you have finally “got it” and you are moving on to a new and exciting chapter in your life?

Perfection is often in the imperfection of all our life experiences.

Teaching us what we need to know and leading us on our never-ending journey of self-discovery.

So forge ahead everyone and be grateful for each and every lesson that comes screaming into your life, whether it creates harmony or disharmony. For each and every person that enters your domain, whether they create a world of sweet content or a whole lot of bitterness and aggravation.

The lesson will be there.

Look for it.

Find it.

Learn from it.

Can there possibly be anything better?

-Christine-