This is a topic that I have found quite fascinating in recent times, as I didn’t actually connect the dots myself till relatively late ha ha!

As we go through life we tend to be really fond of people who support what we want to do, what we say and what we think. But the truth of the matter is, that in order for us to truly develop our ideas, concepts and goals we need to have both Mr Support and Little Miss Challenge there beside us along the way.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that without these two elements of cheer squad and opposition, it would be very difficult for us to actually figure out what we truly believe in and what avenues to pursue. What we are prepared to fight for? What opinions we will defend to the end? What matters? What is the best path for us to take to get where we are going?

This thought struck me whilst defending my position and plans during a rather robust conversation one evening. My opponent was most decisive in his opinion and was striking blow for blow as we went through our paces. I must admit that I was struggling to keep up at some stages as I was battered with statistical analysis of various types and loads of facts and figures. I guess I tend to argue a point from a more emotive, humanistic or creative/artistic standpoint and the grilling I was getting was substantive. But struggle on I did. So as this was all going on, my mind suddenly wandered off and I thought to myself – “ I really care about this project and I will keep on debating this topic.  It will work. I am sure I can make it work. I want to know more of what I think can work actually. I want to know more of what my LITTLE MISS CHALLENGE for the evening thinks. He has really brought up a lot of great points and I am going to find answers to them. Mmmmmm – I hadn’t considered that etc etc etc ”

What?

It was a light-bulb moment for sure.

In that very moment, I suddenly realized the huge advantages of LITTLE MISS CHALLENGE. Sure she can be incredibly irritating to say the least – but she gets the job done.

She gets you thinking.

She takes you to the next level.

She takes you to the place of fixing the problems before they have actually shown up on your doorstep.

Without her, you would not even have considered all those unforeseen issues.

But what of MR SUPPORT I hear you scream – is he not of equal importance.

Well – indeed he is.

If all we heard was LITTLE MISS CHALLENGE in the background criticizing every plan we had and shooting down every idea that came to us, we would curl up in a little ball and just roll back quietly down the hill to where we belong. But fortunately, life has furnished us with two equal and opposite forces that compliment each other ideally and perfectly.

Whilst LITTLE MISS CHALLENGE is doing her utmost to convince us that our plans are inconceivable, unachievable and non redeemable, MR SUPPORT will be beefing it up in the corner, assuring us that we have a perfectly splendid idea that will easily make it to the Heavy Weight Division of the World Title Bout.

The challenge here is to accept and use both lots of input to get you going full steam ahead on your mission. You simply need to recognize both aspects for the wonderful gift that they are. Acknowledge that both LITTLE MISS CHALLENGE and MR SUPPORT are both contributing vast amounts to your success.

One is giving you the confidence to go forward.

The other is giving you the forethought to look at otherwise unseen problems and an opportunity to hone your responses when attacked for your project or idea.

The perfect match.

Happy Days.

If you have LITTLE MISS CHALLENGE and MR SUPPORT in your life, you are a lucky person indeed.

So look around you, and cast your eye around for people who represent both of these aspects.

If you are surrounded by “Yes Men” – a cheer squad that never dares to question your ideas or suggest alternatives – you could be missing out on honing your vision to perfection.

And if you are surrounded by “ Nay Sayers” who constantly put you down and tell you that you have no chance of achieving your vision – you could decide not to try at all.

So having both is a healthy and natural balance that can catapult you toward your goals and dreams like nothing else can.

The heavy hitters should always be in your corner.

As soon as you see one of them walk away, make sure to go find some replacements.

LITTLE MISS CHALLENGE has so much to offer and will make sure all risks are summarily accounted for. So listen, think, adjust, be flexible and take in all she has to say. You don’t have to agree – but you would be wise to listen and consider.

And MR SUPPORT – well, he will make sure you have the confidence to step out and take the plunge, despite all the questions, judgement and antagonism thrown at you along the way by LMC. He may not always be realistic – but that’s OK – he has other skills on offer. Another agenda. Giving you self-confidence, hope and an unending energy to deliver on your project.

So go out and assemble a great team.

A balanced team.

A team with both support and challenge.

And you will be on your way.

- Christine -

For the past decade, these motivations and inner dialogues are what have held my fascination, and through much soul searching via dozens of seminars, oodles of books and a good degree of spiritual seeking, I one day stumbled upon a memory. A memory that I quickly realized had been the mainstay of my existence till then – pushing me this way, and shoving me that way………most often back to where I felt I belonged!

This memory was based around one little comment. It was a simple comment made by a rather unaware dinner guest when I was a child – but it was a comment that had stuck with me for decades – buried within the depths of my mind, influencing my decisions and causing havoc quite unbeknownst to me. As I listened-in to the adult’s dinner conversation from the children’s play area upstairs in our house, I heard this one seemingly innocuous comment: “ Poor Little Chrissy – she tries so hard but she’ll never be any good”!

Do I remember my parent’s reaction to this comment – no! Do I remember all the compliments and encouragement I no doubtedly received as a child – no!  All I remembered was this one defining commentary on my abilities – that related not only to my now –  but also to my future.

And the prognosis was not good.

In hind sight I can see that this comment was only referring to my somewhat average performance as a classical ballet student. It was in no way a reflection on my abilities in other areas at all. But to a little girl who dreamed of one day being a classical ballet dancer and idolised Baryshnikov. To a little girl who’s best friend was a stunning classical ballerina and destined for the stage. To a little girl whose mother was the Principal of the dancing school where she studied and an avid classical ballet fan – it was like a lightning bolt.

I mean – it is a pretty prophetic comment: “ Poor Little Chrissy, she tries so hard but she’ll never be any good”

KABOOM!!

“Hit me where it really hurts why don’t you.”

That little prediction was suddenly quarterized into every cell of my brain. Imprinted in vivid technicolour and ready to offer it’s opinion of my worth, in any and all future endeavours.

It wasn’t until years later in a counseling session that this little memory resurfaced  – but the emotion that came with it was certainly punching way above its weight! The sense of wonder I felt at discovering what had been holding me back for so long and making me feel so inadequate all the time was incredible. It was like – wow!

Feelings are my go to reference these days, to determine if something is of genuine “value” to me. That is – if I have a really strong emotional reaction to something, then I know it is something for me to look at carefully. What is it triggering the reaction and why? What is there to be learned here. And if there are tears – lots of tears – I know it’s a doozy! Something that needs addressing and to be redirected along with any other non useful mail.

I started right then and there to “actively de-activate “this message and it’s lingering shadow in my subconscious. I put post-its [for which I am famous ha ha] all around my house saying: Little Chrissy can do anything she wants. Little Chrissy can be anything she wants. Little Chrissy is just fabulous as she is.

They were on my bedroom door. They were in my bathroom. They were anywhere I knew I would see them each and every day. I said it over and over and over every night before going to sleep and every morning before I got out of bed. And I began to feel a little more confident.

Little Chrissy was on the move.

Surprisingly, when I mentioned this memory to my family, no-one else had any recollection of it at all. Not even my Mother who would have been at the dining table the evening of the incident.

And this brings me to my point here.

We can all have very different memories of the same event. We all live our lives “in our heads”. We live in our perceptions of events – not actually in the event itself. And so we store memories in a way that is particular to us and our unique sensitivities.

Someone else at that same dinner no doubt stored the memory of a delightful lamb roast. And another guest perhaps stored the memory of a great after dinner conversation. And another may have stored the memory of the delightful grandfather’s whiskers hanging on the plants outside. But not Poor Little Chrissy – no –  she stored a whole lot of torment and pain that would lead to years of never giving anything a fair go for fear of “never being any good”.

Once I recognized this little story living up a storm in my subconscious, I could actively “de-activate” its message and take control. I turned the message upside down and used it to empower my life rather than disempower.

At this stage, I had been a specialist tap dance teacher in Sydney, Australia for over 25 years, so I took the proverbial “bull by the horns” , put pen to paper  and devised my very own tap syllabus Tapatak Oz. This syllabus launched in 2008 and is now in use all over Australia and overseas, with examinations and teacher accreditation held annually.

Poor Little Chrissy – she could do something after all. Who knew?

I do not tell this story to grandstand and tell you all about my prior achievements. But I tell it for one very important reason.

To encourage you all to look inside yourselves and find those moments in your own lives that may be hiding these secret triggers. Moments that may be affecting you in such a way. Mundane little comments here and there that have stuck with you and caused you to doubt yourself or sabotage your success over the years.

Now is the time to find what was said. Turn it to your advantage. And move forward.

Many old sayings are so very true and repeated for a reason

“ What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”

“ It’s not what happens to us in life that defines us – but how we react to it”

“ It’s not the size of the dog in the fight that matters, but the size of the fight in the dog”

So I invite you to take a look.

Find these little triggers and stories in your history.

Acknowledge them. Turn them around and send them straight out the door.

You can choose what ideas of self you hold on to.

You can choose what is valid in your life.

And you can choose what to let go of so you can move forward to where you want to be.

If Poor Little Chrissy can do it then you can too. That is what I know.

So – I hope you have found some comfort in my little story and that it has inspired you to take charge of your own triggers and put them to work inspiring you to your greatness!

We all have greatness within.

You just have to believe in it. See it. And then release it out into the world.

Discover You! Love You! Be You!

Live your Truth.

Christine

  Anthony Douglas Williams – Inside the Divine Pattern

This would have to be one of my favourite quotes of all time, as it is quite emblematic of my own journey thus far, and as such a little poker that keeps prodding me to move forward even though I am constantly full of doubt and uncertainty.

I sometimes wonder if perhaps people read all my blog posts and think to themselves: “ Wow – that Christine really has it together”. When this thought runs speedily through my head and out the other side again, I have to laugh, as nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, it is this indecision and self -doubt that brought me to where I am today, as my motivation is to simply point out to everyone else, that we all feel these sorts of feelings.

It doesn’t matter how confident we may appear to the outside world, everyone I have ever met has some sort of self doubt, fear, worry etc etc

That is just how life is.

Life is meant to be a challenge.

And it  is how we meet these challenges that determines how our life pans out.

To be honest, I have usually found that those people with the most skill and experience in any area, are often the people with the most self -doubt. I have been fortunate to know and teach, some incredibly talented people in my time and I have always found that the more talented and hard working the person the least confident they are.

This irony was strange to me at first, but then it all made sense.

People who are good at what they do are usually incredibly perfectionistic and judgemental when it comes to their own work. And sometimes the work of those around them too. It is like a double- edged sword. On one had it can make for some miserable self –assessments but on the other side it creates brilliance in some way too, as the standards set are exacting.

So my point here is:  what you can become,is very much defined by whatever you can overcome

As the quote says – you need to define yourself by what you can overcome as opposed to being defined by what scares or intimidates you.

As many successful people will tell you, they had no idea what they were doing when they started or launched their first ever project. But they did it anyway. Learned from those mistakes and moved on to the next project.

So what we need to do,is harness the very things that can so easily block our path and use them to our advantage. And these next two are the most common blocks we all experience.

1. Fear of failure.

Put it to bed and overcome it. Better to have tried and failed,then to not have tried at all. Trying is winning after all. Not giving your ideas a go is the real failure. A failure to believe in yourself. A failure to follow your gut and your intuition. Making yourself a casualty of your own lack of belief is really sad. I personally think there is no such thing as failure: you take the plunge and you will end up somewhere – moving you to the next step of where you are going. It may not be a full step – it may just be a little hiccup of a step. But you will land somewhere – and that somewhere will be a step across from where you were at least. Stagnation is death. Death of the soul.

2. Worry about what other people will think and say.

50% of people will love what you do and 50% will most likely hate it. That is the Law of The Universe and the Law of Averages. So suck it up and do not concern yourself with them. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do – there will always be  equal amounts of criticism and adoration. That is just how it goes. I mean, think of your favourite celebrity, or actor, or humanitarian, or activist, or writer, or singer, or scientist. It does not matter how fabulous you think someone is, there will be someone out there determined to criticize them and send a whole heap of negativity their way.  At the same time, a whole heap of positive reinforcement will come your way too. So if someone who is already way further down the accomplishment path than you can get criticism thrown at them – why can’t you?

In my own life, I have had to really dig deep to accomplish some of my goals and some things I have missed out on because I could not conquer and overcome my fears and anxieties.

My first huge life challenge was starting to learn drum-kit at age 24. I felt quite foolish walking into Billy Hydes Drumcraft, in Commonwealth St, Surry Hills at that age to have my first lesson. All the guys working there seemed so very young and pretty cool  – and they could all play drums of course. And I felt like some old and “all too late to learn woman”.

When I had my first ever ‘jam / audition’ to join a band I was so nervous that I would take too long to set up my kit ,that I spent hours at home in my lounge room, assembling and de-assembling my drum-kit. And timing myself ha ha ah! Up and down. Up and down. Up and down.  The whole thing – kick, toms, peddle, microphone in case they required backing vocals, high hat, ride! Over and over and over again, until I was satisfied I would look like I knew what I was doing. If anyone could have seen me they would have laughed and laughed. Especially all the guys at  Billy Hydes. However – I had overcome my fear of looking stupid setting up my kit and I was on my way.

Well   – I am glad I did it. One of my bands I joined ended up being played on the radio some 5 years or so later. On Nova 96.9 in a battle of the bands competition of some sort. And I will never forget driving down Parammatta Rd, listening to me – Little Chrissy [ you will remember her from some other posts ] – playing drum-kit in a fabulous little Pop band called Sugar Hit.

Unfortunately, my bravery did not last and I was not able to overcome my fear of moving to the next level and moving to a place where I could play covers regularly in paying gigs and perhaps even be a session drummer. One rejection at an audition for a Rock Covers Band and I was cactus. The other drummers had serious drum-kits with all the bells and whistles. About 4 or 5 toms set up on a very impressive rack and I just had my trusty 5 piece black Pearl Export with a crash and a ride. My confidence was gone. My audition / jam was rubbish.

All over red rover.

I couldn’t bring myself to go and “jam” again as I felt so sure I was no good.

So – that was the end of my career as a drummer.

However something of value did come out of this experience. And that was experience.

The next time I felt that I wasn’t good enough. I turned around and did it anyway.

And that was when I launched my tap syllabus Tapatak Oz.

Having the memory of “what might have been” as a drummer lurking in my memory, I determined that no matter what, I was going to write this syllabus and launch it out into the public arena.

I would not be defeated by fear. I would not give up before I even tried.

If it sold some copies that would be great.

And, if it didn’t sell?

No worries – I had allowed for my investment capitol to be lost.

At least I would know that I had tried and given it my best shot.

But as it happened, it did sell. And sell well. Obliterating all my expectations.

Not only did it sell in Australia, but I now have clients all over the world from Dubai to Finland to USA to New Zealand to France and Italy and Singapore.

Examinations and teacher Accreditation are also running throughout Australia.

To be honest – I don’t know if I thought I would ever sell any of this syllabus, even though I believed 100% in the quality and effectiveness of the product and still do.

It is great.

But I just had to try.  I could not face another “drumming fiasco” full of  “what might have been”.

So the point is this – if I had not been able to overcome my fear of putting myself and my tap dancing education product out there, it would not exist.

Pure and simple.

What you can become really does depend on what you can overcome.

So when you are looking at what you may want to do with your life and where you may want to go, stop and think to yourself:

1. What is stopping me here?
2. How can I overcome it?
3. What are my action steps to face this fear

Then lock and load – and you are on your way.

I now have this quote above my laptop in my office where I can see it every day.

It inspires me in all aspects of my life.

It guides me through new relationships, new friendships and all manner of endeavours – social, business, family, professional and personal.

It has helped me conquer my fear of flying, as I realized that if I wanted to travel, I had to conquer that fear.

Life really can be quite simple sometimes.

So discover what you need to conquer to be the person you want to be and to live the life you want to live.

Discover. Love. Be. Truth.

- Christine -