Hello to all and welcome to the blog,
In recent times I have had a few very disturbing conversations with people, where the level of hatred and vitriol they feel for another person or situation has been on full and furious display!
To hear someone spew forth such hatred, with such determined unwillingness to forgive, is to me, quite unnerving.
But I have finally come to the conclusion that you can not help people who do not wish to help themselves.
In one instance the conversation went on for nearly an hour, with me trying to placate the person on the other end of the phone and suggest an alternate view.
A view that may bring the person a certain level of peace.
A view that may go some way to showing compassion to the person currently feeling the brunt of this hatred.
A view that would bring relief to both parties.
But I soon came to the realisation that my dear friend was so invested in her anger and hatred and vitriol that she just could not let it go!
Who would she blame for her life?
Who would she blame for poor decisions made years ago?
Who would she use as a scapegoat for not realising her ambitions and dreams?
Who would take the blame for her unhappiness?
Once I realised this was not a simple case of ” Letting It Go” I could see that my words were wasted.
It was just too confronting to disassemble a life-time of excuses and take responsibility for ones self!
It was just too damning of ones-self to take an inventory of every moment and decision that led my friend to where she was now!
It was just too damn hard!
And I think, for many of us, this is the case.
So today – I invite you to look at any person, issue or relationship in your life that brings you pain and angst – that you just can not Let Go Of!
Perhaps you can ask yourself a few rather levelling and confronting questions:
Once you have the answers to these questions you can start the process of forgiveness!
Forgiving Yourself that is – for I am pretty sure you will discover, that the underlying hatred and vitriol is not for that ” other person” or ” situation” – but it will be for You!
Your failure to act.
Your failure to make a possibly better and different choice.
Your failure to stand up for yourself.
Your lack of follow through in some way.
Your poor decision.
Your failure to walk away when you had the chance.
It will all come down to You You You!
And that is why it is so hard to forgive!
Because for some reason, we are so unforgiving with ourselves!
So we deflect the hatred to some other participant in our drama, or some other aspect of the situation, or some other reason. We deflect the hatred to anywhere but where it truly lies.
We hide this self loathing – disguising it as hatred and vitriol towards another – where I truly believe it is really self directed!
So today – give yourself a break!
Make a list of all these people and situations that are causing you so much pain and simply Let Them Go!
Take each one separately and address it head on and then release it back into the ether!
You might say:
” Dear So and So – I am so sorry for all the anger I have directed at you all these years. I should have stood my ground and been my own person long ago. But I did not have the courage to do that. Whether or not I am courageous enough to stand in my truth is not your fault. It rests with me and I release you from all responsibility. Whether or not I can now face my truth is OK too! I am just doing the best I can and I support where I am right now in my journey! Sending love and light to you and me both. I release this anger and accept myself for who I am right now and I accept you for who you are right now. We are both just doing the best we can ”
Does this mean you stay in any sort of abusive relationship or put yourself at risk in any way? Of course not! If you are in a dangerous or abusive situation I encourage you to seek professional counselling or support. I am merely saying that holding onto any anger about any situation may not be helpful!
Similarly you might say:
Dear Me – I am so sorry that I made some silly choices along my life’s journey. But I did the best I could at the time. It did not turn out at all like I planned. I feel foolish and stupid and humiliated. But in truth, I made those decisions – not the other person. Sure - maybe they were not really honest with me and took me for a ride – but I thank them for the lesson and I shall be sure not to be so easily taken in next time. We live and learn and I forgive myself for my disappointing decision making around this issue or person. We live and learn. That is life! Onward and Upward! This issue is now resolved and all angst put to rest! Sending love and light to myself and all those involved. We are all just doing the best we can”
Again – if you are having serious financial, physical, emotional or mental issues you may want to consult a professional. But in general terms I think it can be really healthy to just LET IT GO!
Forgive the situation.
And move on!
You may be surprised at how much relief you feel when you can do this!
#DiscoverYou #LoveYou #BeYou
And remember – we are all just doing the best we can!